Friday, March 28, 2008

Going Out with Friends Long Not Seen

Tonight will be the first night I will see a few old friends since the ECT. I'm nervous. It's like a coming out party or something, and I feel worried that I will not fulfill expectations. Can I show them I'm "happy enough?" Will I piss anyone off with my still occasionally poor memory? Will I get drunk and embarrass myself? (We're going to a brewpub, and lately beer--and just beer, not liquor or wine--gets me pretty high after one or two.) Maybe I'll stick to their home brewed root beer and water.

Some of them I've seen once or twice in the past year because of the "holing up" which took place as the depression deepened. I feel as if I will be on display or something tonight. None of these people know anyone else who has had ECT most likely. I'm the specimen for their collection. These friends are all about the warmest most non-judgemental people you can imagine, but I still worry.

I still regret not seeing some good friends who moved back to Wisconsin while I was "all about Kayly." I feel deep sadness about losing such good and decent friends. I know we can still exchange emails, cards, etc., but it's not the same as New Year's Eve parties, drop-bys, and other various invitations.

My nervousness is extending to what clothes and shoes to wear and how to do my hair and whether or not to put makeup on. These are not concerns I usually have when I see my friends. I've even come up with conversation topics, in case conversation is awkard and lags. Here is the list so far:
  • Obama
  • Obama
  • the PA primary
  • Obama

Yeah, I'm a little one-track-minded lately. Nervous about 4/22, too.


Anonymous said...

Kayly...Denny and I talked about your ECT after Easter dinner and believe me, you won't have anything to worry about. First of all, as you said..this is a group of warm, caring FRIENDS. are sooooo much better they can't help but be impressed.
What you wear doesn't matter, nor does the'll all be ok!

Vicki said...

You'll be fine! The side ponytail is hella cute, though. You should totally rock it.

Vicki said...

I'm currently rockin' bilateral pig tails, btw. And red flats. At first I thought it was a little to Dorothy-ish, but I don't care!

Michael said...

Yeah... it went great! And yes, the topics of conversation--at least the interesting ones--centered around Obama. Too bad tix ran out so early for his Sunday evening Forum appearance :-(

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