Saturday, March 08, 2008

Guest "Random List"

This is one of my favorite joke pieces from Esquire. It hangs on the side of my fridge in order to humble the gifted masses of my household. (It doesn't humble us too much, but it does make me laugh!)

10 Things You Don't Know About the 99th Percentile
Finally, the secrets of smart people revealed!
By Bob Scheffler

  1. It's estimated that we use 11 percent more brainpower than average people, but we're thinking of bumping the figure up to 13 or 14 percent. (Who's going to know different -- you? Please.)
  2. It turns out ontogeny doesn't recapitulate phylogeny, but we really had you going there for a while.
  3. We pretty much know what you're going to say before you do. Surprisingly, this time-saver always leads to punching.
  4. You'd be shocked to find out what that little round sink at the dentist's is connected to.
  5. By the time you finish reading this sentence, we'll have come up with six reasons why you shouldn't have.
  6. When our brains are fatigued, we engage in a period of regeneration, often producing delightful musical soundscapes with our nasal cavities.
  7. For a brief time in the sixties, pi was not only variable but spent two weeks touring with Iron Butterfly.
  8. Genius sex is like regular sex, only with footnotes.
  9. The Kelvin temperature scale was invented as a joke.
  10. Pluto deserved it, but not for the reasons everyone was told.

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