Short post to get the balling rolling again.

Tiredtiredtired. And I don't have any idea why, but I am constantly sleeping.
MY BFF and her DH had their gorgeous baby boy, Tobin Samuel Sincoff. (I was up there for a few days so that is my excuse for not blogging for a month, lol.)
I'll post the pics I took after I (finally) email them to the proud and happyhappy parents.
Quick news:

• Boys are on Xmas vacay now.
• My quarter is done (finally!) and I have two paid weeks off. (Great to work for a university.)
• My chest x-ray, bloodwork, biopsies, etc etc were all normal. Cuz it's probably all in my head, right? I am going to take BFF's advice and reuqest a pulmonology follow up for asthma (even though my immunologist seemed pretty sure it wasn't, because, ehy, that's not their speciality, right?) if the 24 hour Ph test shows nothing, since that is already scheduled anyway. Since I skipped it once before thinking it wasn't necessary, that is probably the one test for which they'll find something. Because that is my luck. I could have gone and been taken care of months ago, but I think I'm a doctor or something.
• Honestly it is the kind of tired I had with bad depression, but we'll keep that on the back burner until we know there is no physical reason for it. They already upped my anti-depressant (because of increased depression) and anti-anxiolytic (for sleep since they took me off of the sleep aid I had taken forever because we were trying to weed out some drugs that might worsen the dryness I experience orally, ocularly and-um-vaginally). But I'm going to ask about raising the Effexor XR once again, lowering the cloanzepam back to what it was and going back on the Trazodone at a half of the dose I had been on. (I like chemistry, lol!)
• BFF and I will be starting a slightly different sort of mommy blog shortly.
• My holiday shopping is (almost) done, but nothing is wrapped.
• Reading lot when I'm not sleeping.
• My plants are doing well, knock wood.
• I'm Twittering a bit more regularly the past few days to try to get some momentum to post here.
• And I'm thinking of starting a tumblog. Ooops, I did it. No posts, yet.

My Behind is Behind

Yeah, so it's been a while. It's hard for me to feel like posting as my depression is getting worse and there seems to be too much to say to have the energy to explain. Plus, most of the people in my life already know all of this, but here goes: a recap of sorts.
I had sent an email to my rheumatologist regarding the neuropathy that was a paranoid rant about how "maybe I have sarcoidosis or MS??" My rheumy graciously responding without saying, "Hey nutso!! CHILL!" She explained the reasons why I probably don't have either, but we can run a few tests to prove it and she also suggested I should have had the Ph test for reflux that my immunologist had suggested. (They told me that the wheezing and coughing I've been having for a while was not asthma as far as the tests showed ad it may be reflux--even though I don't have the more common symptoms like heartburn or acid burps. I skipped it because the test required wearing a wire up my nose down into my esophagus for 24 hours, said wire being attached to a little computer I wear on my belt monitoring the Ph levels in my esophagus. Since I was convinced it is not reflux, I said "eewwww" and skipped it.) So I called to schedule that.
Then I got a phone call from my primary care doctor's office saying she received the email from my rheumy and wanted to bring me in to discuss some things we could explore. (They never called me for an appointment before, so this freaked me out a little.)
Meanwhile I had my gastroenterology appointment. The woman told me that we would not do the Ph test as first she wanted to schedule me for an upper GI endoscopy to check for esophogeal damage, ulcers and pre-cancerous lesions. WHAT?? Oooookay. So I scheduled that. Then when the nurse called to go over the procedure and my meds, etc., she said they would do a biopsy to check for eosinophilic esophagitis at the request of the doctor in addition to any they do if the see "something." Oooookay.
Anyway, whatever is causing the wheezing and dry cough is what is probably leaving me exhausted as it obviously interferes with the amount of oxygen I get while I sleep.
Still no idea why I have neuropathy. Probably will have to just live with it at this point. Sigh.
So all of this uncertainity is combining with the fact that it is fall heading into winter and that is always bad for my depression to leave me on a downward slide. My psychiatrist upped my Effexor XR; my PCP took me off of my trazodone and upped my clonazapem and took me off of two other meds (allergy stuff) to try to a) reduce the number of meds I'm taking and b) relieve some of the severe dryness in my eyes, mouth and --ahem!--Sister Suzy. (This is not--as proven by bloodwork--Sjogren's; just dryness from meds and a natural dryness I've always leaned towards. The mouth dryness is annoying because my teeth are starting to chip and break more easily and the eye dryness prevents me from ever wearing contacts. I use Celluvisc in my eyes and various forms of biotene and sugar-free gum to alleviate mouth dryness.)
So now we wait.

In other news, I'm not sure if I've mentioned that both of my boys, in recent months, have cut off their long, luxurious locks into "skater" cuts and my oldest died his black. It actually looks good on him, but the whole "cool teen/tween" thing they are going through makes me sad. I miss my little baby boys snuggling on my lap and laughing crazily at life. Now they are "emo" and perpeutally sarcastic--still funny and not at all depressed, just the projection of coolness and aloofness that makes me miss them even when they are right there in the room.

Holden made high honors and Ethan did well with his first quarter portfolio.

Nate is still working his butt off.

My BFF is ready to pop out a sweet baby boy any day/week now.

My brother-in-law's wife, ditto.

It's hard to be surrounded by baby love just as I'm missing it most.

I've started a few small indoor succulent gardens with various types of living rocks. All of my plants still seem to be doing alright, knock wood.

My book list over there -------> is suffering a bit. I've been reading a lot of magazines when I do read,; I forget to enter books and I haven't reviewed anything for a while. But anyway, at least I'm reading something, right?

And my job... Well, let's just say I'm looking forward to the end of this quarter. I need new sample. New areas to work.

And lastly, poor Ethan is home sick with what seems to be a cold. Voluntarily sleeping. Now that's sick. Poor sweetie.

At risk of seeming like an ungracious winner...

(Reminded by my bestest, non-husband friend that I seemed a little like a poor winner, I will now get my gush on...)
I let my children stay up until 11 p.m. to see the US of freakin' A being called for the First Black President of the United States and his bee-yoo-tee-ful First Family. (And then we all shared a bottle of 2002 Perrier-Jouet Rose Champagne and watched the speeches; I admit I cackled and yelled all through McCain's gracious and kind speech--I'm like that; you should know that by now. Hope the kids can get up in the a.m....) Until about a year ago, I though this was not something they'd see in their lifetime, much less I in mine. Ignoring what this means to our country now, at this moment in history, PLEASE pay attention to the meaning of this man, with his history and his family and his skin color, for goddess' sake, being not only POTUS, but arguably, Leader of the Free World. This is more historic than for which I have words. I've been teary and on edge and ready for today for weeks now, weepy all day and *weeping* since 11 p.m. I'll let the tears speak for me. Amazement and awe and love for my country leaks from my puffy red eyes and probably will for some time. And then start all over again on 1/20/09. For weeks or months. Can you imagine the weight on Our Man's shoulders right now?? Crushing. And I do not normally pray, you all know that (as my readers are pretty much my friends and family and y'all know about my agnostic/seeking/confused/whatever-it-is-ive-ness) but I will be *praying* for this man to fulfill our hopes and dreams and to be safe and to not change from the Man--capital M--who he is and who we elected. I will teach myself to pray to What/Whoever-Is-Out-There for him. We all need to do so to the best of our abilities right now, and we all need to REVEL in the utter history of what we are are living for at least a few days, and then get to fuckin' work for this Man who has committed his family and life to Us.
Bless you all BLESS YOU ALL BLESS YOU ALL for making history tonight. Let's continue to live it and be worthy of the man with whom we made it and worthy of the children and the world for whom we made it.
LOVELOVELOVE,Kayly
P.S. I wish I could hug you all tight to me right now. I am in awe of my beautiful, wonderful country right now (and I laugh in utter joy as I write that right now, as the irony of me--me!!!!--writing that phrase without any irony WHATSOEVER; who knew???)!!!
P.P.S. For the Sincoffs: I know the Obamas said their girls' dog will be a shelter dog, and I think I heard the First Lady Obama (god! I love that!!!) say it would be a small dog, so here's hoping it's a shelter-Shih-Tzu. It'll give you, and thus me, a leg up in the friendship battle, lol.