Early Blood

(Neither a Rambo movie nor a feministic pondering of menarche.)

I'm up late, or early, or whatever, reading and a mosquito is buzzing relentlessly around my body which is sprawled on my couch. It doesn't seem to light at all the entire time and when it does--seemingly for the first time--I smack the bug, squashing him flat and feeling the squish beneath my palm. When I raise my hand several large and bright red droplets of blood show me that I was wrong. He had landed. And with that realization, I immediately begin to itch.

Cats are fuckin' insane.

I really could just end the post with the title, couldn't I?
I've always loved cats and dogs, but since my first two cats I had who were solely my pets died, I have yet to meet a cat with that special spark with me. I love my cats, but they are both insane. NCL (pronounced nickle) is Evil Insane. Born of incest and the hardscrabble barn cat life, he's just never been "right." Gertie is a lovely cat and happy to be here, but she's as Neurotic As All Hell. If she were a person, I wouldn't even be able to be friends with her, and we all know how mentally healthy I am, right? Somehow, though, the two of them get along. They stage late night pranks trying to get the dogs into trouble by getting the dogs all riled up and then hiding so it seems the dogs are the crazy ones. They picket our bed every morning demanding their fair share of rations as if they haven't eaten in years, chanting little cat versions of militant slogans. If the had thumbs, I'm sure they would have signs, or perhaps even chain themselves to the bedroom door.
Yesterday saw the last of their food, but I didn't know until it was too late to go buy some and it is still too early to go to the store where I buy it, so right now they are rioting upstairs. I'm not kidding. I hear myriad pounding footsteps as if they were an army of toddlers. I hear things falling, sliding, scattering, strange yowling, meowing, shrieking, litter scattering. And yet when I went up I found nothing amiss and both cats sitting at the top of the steps looking at me as if to say, "What? We're just sitting here. Totally not staging a peasant uprising. My what a pretty neck you have..."
Ten o'clock will not come soon enough for any of us.

Drink Recipe: F*ck Me Gently with a Chainsaw

F*ck Me Gently with a Chainsaw
a.) On Election Night tell all of your Facebook friends this:

"couldn't decide if I should venture into the cold and cry into (an admittedly delicious selection of) beers or put my cozy jammies on and hide under a blanket on the couch. I've opted for the latter accompanied by a heap of Peanut Chews, a huge Iron Man cup of HFCS containing ginger ale and Hoarders and NCIS on the DVR. No live TV for me tonight."

b.) Immediately start checking Facebook, Twitter and online news media and commence live-blogging for close to four hours until everything is pretty much over.

c.)pour

• 2 oz Knob Creek into a shot glass

d.)then in a highball glass mix:

• splash of unsweetened orange juice


• 2 maraschino cherries, muddled and a splash of juice from the jar


• splash simple syrup


• 1-2 shakes Angostura Bitters


• 2 (or 3 or so) oz Knob Creek


• some ice

Directions
Shoot c, then sip d.

Alternate names for this drink are "shot of bourbon with ghetto old-fashioned back" or "Post Election Sorrow Drowner: Democrat Version."

"Just a quote" note

"Because we know, instinctively, as a people, that if we are to get through the darkness and back into the light, we have to work together. And the truth is there will always be darkness, and sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't the promised land. Sometimes, it's just New Jersey."--Jon Stewart

My kids are bad in my dreams, and I'm kind of a scared mom in real life, I guess.

Ever since the boys were young, my plan has been to have a fishbowl full of condoms in the house so that they and their friends can partake as necessary without it being too obvious to Nate and I--because there are so many in the bowl that we won't notice a few gone at a time.

So the other week I finally got a cheap glass fishbowl at Petco and a 100 Condom Super Sampler Pack online and placed it near the French Doors on a bookcase.

They were told to take what they need as could their friends, but they were not allowed to waste them on water balloons and whatnot.

The other night I had a dream that I happened to notice that about HALF of the condoms were gone already.

I found the kids and yelled the following at them, "You are NOT allowed to use the condoms to make water balloons, but you sure as hell better be just using all of those for water balloons!!"

Aaaaand the oldest, too.

I guess they both got the sickness from me:

10:02pmMe
I sent you a request to confirm me as myself for my blog, if
you didn't yet, can you confirm it for me?


10:05pmHolden
Confirm
what now?

10:07pmMe
check your requests for a networked blogs
request which is just asking if i am me and the author of my blog


10:10pmHolden
are you the author of your blog?

10:17pmMe
srsly? what is UP with you and your brother?!?

10:22pmHolden
I dont know, likee you didnt just copy and paste it right?

[UPDATED]
10:23pmMe
!!!!\

10:24pmMe
i'm copying and pasting your annoying ass ?s


10:25pmHolden
so your not really the author of that content?

10:25pmMe
come here, please. i need to slap you.

10:27pmHolden
hey, plagarism is serious business, my english teacher says they can kick you out of college for that'

Sometimes I realize they are too much like me.

So, the old way that Blogger used to post to Facebook doesn't seem to work anymore, so I signed up for NetworkedBlogs to do it for me. One of the steps was to ask friends to verify that I am, indeed, the owner of my blog. I asked both of my sons, among others. My youngest and I just had the following chat via Facebook:

9:58pmMe
I sent you a request to confirm me as myself for my blog, if you didn't yet, can you confirm it for me?

9:59pmEthan
can i not?

im to lazy to click

nd the mouse is so far away

9:59pmMe
yeah, but then fb wont let me publish m y blog...why would you not?


10:01pmEthan
idk tho

how can i be sure ur the authore of blahgblahgblahg

author*

they taught us about plagerism in skool


10:01pmMe
┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

:-)

10:02pmEthan

brb i hav to google some sample phrases to make sure u didnt steal this from someone elses blog

Why did I teach them how to be smart asses so well? It makes me laugh my mom ass off, but it's still frustrating.

Halloween Blahg-apalooza Pt. 2 "The YouTubes" (with apologies to those behind an un-fun firewall)

The election humor of some very talented people:







(Also check out her Opera for Obama: Catty Palin Twins: Your Worst Nightmare.)










...and my personal favorite for Meme of the Day:

McCain Thinks "Patriots" are Card 56 Douchebags

I had a shorter version of this video to share, but after seeing the whole first minute on CNN just now, I sought out longer version. Note how tied up he gets after he realizes his mistake. You almost expect him to yell, "Run away! Run away!" And run all higgledy-piggledy off the stage. Note at the end he almost says "agree" again. Good stuff. I've watched it a bazillion times and it stays just as funny, to me anyway.

I think I'm in love.

Sarah Haskins' "Target Women" on infoMania (Current) is about the funniest thing on tv right now.

Barely ANY Politics!!!

Amy Poehler is a freaking genius, and she is about a hundred times cuter with her big preggo belly. She absolutley stole last night's SNL with two skits last night, one of which was the Palin rap. (As a side note, as much as I hate Palin, after the Weekend Update was over I told Nate, "If I didn't hate her so much, I'd really like her right now." Plus now we know that both tickets have one person with the ability to bust a move cutely. I was not happy that Palin seems to be a decent actress as that is not something I want in a VP.) I'll be sad to see her move on from the show, but Kristen Wiig seems to be the emerging female comice star on SNL, so at least we won't be left bereft. (Fun fact: Wiig spent some of her growing up years in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.)

Movies I'm jonesing for:

• W.
• RELIGULOUS
• Nick & Norah s Infinite Playlist

But knowing me, I'll see them on DVD. Don't get out much to movies anymore...
The casting in W. looks genius if not, at first, obvious. Especially Jeffrey Wright as Gen. Colin Powell. Genius. (And Once in a Lifetime seems a perfect song for the trailer.) I'm rarely over the moon for Stone movies, but I've got it bad for this one.
Which leads me to today's big--but not suprising, really--Obama endorsements: Gen. Colin Powell and Fareed Zakaria. Obama also has about three times as many newspaper endorsements, so I've lost track of the most recent of those.
Not much going one today. Just reading the Sunday Times, catching up on some magazines I am really behind on reading (New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Ms. and Bitch; yeah, most of my magazine "reading" lately has been gossip rags and fashion mags. Sigh. I'm an addict.), watching Sunday talking head, drinking coffee and generally being a fat, lazy fuck.

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

Election Stuff:

Still fundraising for Obama, if you're giving, do it through my Obama page, please!

McCain said in the debate he lost last night (basically) that his supporters are good people, not hateful, and how dare you (or Rep. John Lewis [D] of Georgia) imply that??

Really??!!?? Really?!?!? How about these:

1. Inland GOP mailing depicts Obama's face on food stamp
2. Inflammatory Republican rallies raise concerns
3. MCCAIN'S 'FELLOW PRISONERS' ?
4. For Some, Uncertainty Starts at Racial Identity
5. Racism Revealed At McCain/Palin Rallies
6. Material linking Obama to Bin Laden removed from Sacramento GOP Web site
7. [Republican National Committee ] GOP mail ties Obama to terrorists

HMMM????? What about those? [Crickets]

Easiest Q&A ever (Bitch Ph.D. mocks McCain's Q & A style in a most succinct manner.)

McCain is an Asshole, Part MCCXXXVIII (or more, I've lost count):

And, by the way, can we stop, already, with the term "partial birth abortion?" It's called an intact dilation and extraction. Don't be a nitwit. You too, Obama. (This is one of a few things on which I disagree with Obama.) BTW, again, I am not against late-term abortion, and, yes, I am pro-abortion, and unapologetically, so stop using it as an epithet, ya doodooheads. I am also pro-life. Stew that one over for a while. Confuses your tiny heads doesn't it, you narrow-minded right-wing nuts? And I love the morning after pill, to. So there. Unfortunately, Indian women are not getting enough education on its use. And there is one form not yet available, again unfortunately.

Also: Exclusive: Verizon and AT&T Provided Cell Towers for McCain Ranch

And for fun:

Sarah Palin picture via The Mills River Progressive:

Joe "The Fucking" Plumber: Is a "Card 56" Douchebag*. He's not a licensed plumber, always knew he was going to vote for McCain (ya just know it), is a tax evader, and an utter douchebag who doesn't like Obama's "socialism." Or the "socialism" of Social Security.

Palin t-shirt I NEED!

Republicans hate Republicans, now. (I guess kinda like my hubby.)

Palin might not have blinked, but McCain sure as heck did, ya, you betcha.

A couple o' random news items which caught my eye:

1. Pumpkin symbol marks sex offenders' homes
2. Rabbit invasion shuts Mandela museum
3. NJ flu-shot mandate for preschoolers draws outcry
4. Palin says God blessed America with oil and gas
5. Disco tune "Stayin' Alive" could save your life
6. Mom allegedly takes daughter to fight, intervenes
7. Man practicing a quick draw shoots himself in leg
8. Drinking mom asks daughter, 9, to drive
9. Kids Pulled From Transgender Teacher's Class

Kayly Stuff:

I just got polled on the election for about the 10th time. This time it was, I think they said "Pennsylvania Research Institute" or Center or something. It was automated, so I couldn't ask them to repeat it.

Had my rheumatologist appointment today. She basically said she didn't know what is going on. More tests. This time it's Quantitative Sensory Testing (QST) . And later she says I might want to revisit this with my PCP and possibly even do a sleep study to see if there is a cause for my increased fatigue of which I'm not aware. (Apnea, snoring, anything else...)

I'm taking a few days off of work with my boss' and boss' boss' approval. Weird, scary, icky encounter with a respondent. That's all I'll say on that for now, so don't ask. [Side note: I was unsure of the possessive form of boss, so I went to Google and typed in "possessive for of" and one the of the Google suggested searches was "possessive form of boss," so I felt less stupid. ;-)

Separated at birth:

*"Card 56" Douchebag is my latest attempt to enter the slang lexicon. It refers to the card in the book we use for the NSFG when asking women about douching habits. USE IT , DAMMIT! ;-)

A 2nd Betty Rocks My World

That Heroes girl has a DIRTY mouth! S-E-X-Y!

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

My youngest sent this to my oldest who sent it to me, and now I share it with you to show how relevant I can be. Plus it's hy-fucking-sterical. (Why is this word not catching on yet, are you guys using it in casual converstaion??)

A little bit on me & stuff-I-read-on-other-blogs-round-up

Hope you all had a great Italian rapist/pillager/enslaver/syphilis spreader Day!

My work computer is at the computer doctor. So I'll have to squish in my hours at the end of the week--again. They might compensate me for the lost hours from computer problems, but I'm not real clear on that. I know they compensated me for lost hours during quarter closing because I did not have enough work left to keep me busy. So, we'll see...

My husband and I celebrated out 14th anniversary on Saturday. He got me a gorgeous Konstantino three stone faceted citrine ring. I'd show you a picture, but it is being sent to the company to be be sized properly for my huge ass hands. :-( But you can see a pink tourmaline version here.

The weekend before this past one Nate got me a bouquet at Costco, and I always like their bouqets, but this had a neat flower called a pink mink protea:

The flowers and leaves got dark at the edges within a week so I have to be more careful about clean vase/clean water/sterm trimming if I get one again. The colors in this flash picture look more clash-y than they do in real life, but they clash in a nice Kayly-ish sort of way in real life.

Then this week I got myself a beautiful Halloween arrangement at Linglestown Flowers and Gifts (don't bother Googling them; it's just their Teleflora site and they do some of their own work that is gorgeous). They always have an arrangement in my Starbucks that are great, but this is the first time I had to buy them. I know I don't seem like a "holiday arrangment" girl, but check this:

The first photo is without flash and the second with flash. The true colors are more subtly in between. Matchy and clashy puply fuschia and fuschia-y purple with that wonderful grass green POP!

Cartoons of the week (courtesy of Bust Blog and Zen Comix):

(I love the Zen Comix one so much because it is the exact point I made during the debate.)

The rest is a random round-up of the election and what I've been reading and watching this past week. Buckle up!

This article by Michael Kinsey about a McCain craps table blow-up is interesting in its own gossipy way. So much for Obama being the only celebrity running for POTUS.

If you're an Obama Mama, you might want to see if there is a group near you.

And if you hate poly-blend fabric as much as I do watch this video. Oh, wait, what? Muslim? Oooooooohhhh....

More ignorant assholes make me lose a little bit more faith in human decency. (Don't watch these if prone to election despair.)

(Actually definelty watch this one; the blonde is hy-fucking-sterical. Watch her devolve.)








This one is GOLDEN, girl! (P.S. I heart Craig.)







A momentary lapse of the normal idiocy (of course, I won't mention that McCain thinks the opposite of Muslim is a decent man, but hey, he was trying, sort of):

BOO BOO?????

Big ballot boo-boo: Osama for president?
Rensselaer County gaffe makes national news after absentee ballots misspell Barack Obama's name By BOB GARDINIER, First published in print: Saturday, October 11, 2008
TROY — It could have been Ovama or Ofama. Or even Olama. [continued at link]

Alrighty, ya, you betcha! I'm tired, doggone it! I'll find some more and get back to ya!

"On Wednesday We Answer Readers' Mail"

Okay, it's not really "readers'" mail, more like writer's received email.
But today from the inbox:



This is serious, please read if you hven't already:

[from Feminist Majority] South Dakota voters may be deciding for the rest of us whether a state can ban abortion. Early voting began this week in South Dakota. We have not a moment to waste - we must act now. The sweeping abortion ban on the South Dakota ballot (Measure 11) would make it nearly impossible to obtain an abortion in South Dakota and threatens doctors with a felony charge carrying up to 10 years jail time. The ban's so-called exceptions recklessly endanger a woman's health and privacy. If this draconian ban passes, it could become the national test to reverse Roe v. Wade. We can't let this happen--contribute now to stop this draconian abortion ban. About half of your emergency contribution will go to the state-wide coalition -- Campaign for Healthy Families -- which is buying media ads to mobilize voters. The other half will go to support our campus campaign for organizers, vans to transport students to the polls, phone banks, signs, leaflets, and other campaign materials.Feminist Majority Foundation has two dozen paid student organizers and scores of volunteers working to mobilize students on South Dakota college campuses to register voters and to defeat this dangerous abortion ban. With our help, South Dakotans defeated a similar ban in 2006. But this year, the polls show the measure will be harder to defeat because of its more deceptive language. Remember: What happens in South Dakota in November could affect women nationwide. We must stop this drastic anti-abortion state ban in its tracks. Act now, we don't have a moment to waste.

♪Climb every mountain!♪

I ghost-wrote letters to the editor for the McCain campaign
By Margriet Oostveen
Sept. 24, 2008 "You can be whoever you want to be," says an inviting Phil Tuchman. "You can be a beggar or a millionaire. A mom or a husband. Whatever. You decide!" [continued here]

Word to the hockey mother:

Campbell Brown Rips McCain Camp's "Sexist" Treatment Of Palin
"Tonight I call on the McCain campaign to stop treating Sarah Palin like she is a delicate flower that will wilt at any moment," said Brown. "This woman is from Alaska for crying out loud. She is strong. She is tough. She is confident. And you claim she is ready to be one heart beat away form the presidency. If that is the case, then end this chauvinistic treatment of her now. Allow her to show her stuff. Allow her to face down those pesky reporters... Let her have a real news conference with real questions. By treating Sarah Palin different from the other candidates in this race, you are not showing her the respect she deserves. Free Sarah Palin. Free her from the chauvinistic chain you are binding her with. Sexism in this campaign must come to an end. Sarah Palin has just as much a right to be a real candidate in this race as the men do. So let her act like one."

BREAKING NEWS:

McCain will be suspending campaiging to return to D.C. to work on the bail-out and thinks the Friday debate should be suspended. A week into the issue, he decides to get involved in doing his job and thinks the debate should be suspended. Hmmmmmm... That cracks me the hell up for some reason.

From HarrisburgPAFreecycle:

[I cannot make this shit up.] "I have a half dozen pairs of Mens Briefs (tighty whities) in size 56". They are slightly soiled, most noticeable in the butt area. They have been washed, but still a bit
on the gray side.If you 'big' enough and need some draws, let me know."

Gucci Coochi:

Designer vagina trend 'worrying'
A leading urogynaecologist has spoken out against the growing popularity of cosmetic vaginal surgery. Professor Linda Cardozo, of King's College Hospital, London, says little evidence exists to advise women on the safety or effectiveness of procedures. These include operations to make the external appearance more "attractive" and reshaping the vagina to counter laxity after childbirth, for example. [continued at above link]

[More in "I cannot make this shit up" news]
Gives "Yummy Mummy" a WHOLE NEW meaning:

PETA Urges Ben & Jerry's To Use Human Milk
Group Says Move Would Help Humans, Cows
WATERBURY, Vt. -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, cofounders of Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc., urging them to replace cow's milk they use in their ice cream products with human breast milk, according to a statement recently released by a PETA spokeswoman. [continued at above link]

Whenever I agree with George, I throw up in my mouth a little, but hey: good article...

McCain Loses His Head
By George F. Will
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
"The queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. 'Off with his head!'
she said without even looking around." -- "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
Under the pressure of the financial crisis, one presidential candidate is behaving like a flustered rookie playing in a league too high. It is not Barack Obama. [continued at above link]

Loves me some Barbara:

The Power of Negative Thinking
By BARBARA EHRENREICH
Published: September 23, 2008
GREED — and its crafty sibling, speculation — are the designated culprits for the financial crisis. But another, much admired, habit of mind should get its share of the blame: the delusional optimism of mainstream, all-American, positive thinking. [continued at above link]

I'm adding Shakesville to my blogroll, check them out if you get a chance.

Not much new in Kayly-land. Tomorrow night I am going to a PPAC fundraiser with my GF Tahnee. Get my drink on, yo. This quarter is almost over at work. Sunday I'll get my new lines. I think I'm a geek because I am excited about this.

Yuck it up with some old (young) Sarah. She my guh-rul, yo.

Funnniest movie in a loooong time:

OH MY GOSH!!!
You HAVE to see Hamlet 2. Nate and I cackled through the whole movie. My cheeks actually hurt when we left. Make sure to stay through the credits for the awesome closing credits song, too.
We were the only ones in the theater, which was a shame, because this movie is wonderful.
I predict it will be another Office Space type sleeper hit once it comes out on DVD. I hope they have the whole musical on the DVD extras. That would R-O-C-K!! (Literally, lol!)
For those who see it: I believe the narrator is Peter O'Toole, rounding out a surprisingly stellar cast for such a small film.

Another WTF.

I don't remember this video clip, although I know I saw it.
What fakaktah defintion of Black is this?? ReelPop said it best:

Barack to the future? No. Baby got Barack? No. Obamacize? Hmm...
Stephen Colbert does verbal aerobics around Salon.com columnist Debra Dickerson, who embodies Freud's theories on the narcissism of minor differences.

From Wikipedia:

African Americans or Black Americans are citizens or residents of the United States who have origins in any of the black racial groups of Africa. In the United States, the term is generally used for Americans with at least partial Sub-Saharan African ancestry. Most African Americans are the descendants of captive Africans who survived the slavery era within the boundaries of the present United States, although some are — or are descended from — voluntary immigrants from Africa, the Caribbean, South America, or elsewhere. African Americans make up the single largest racial minority in the United States, though Hispanics compose the largest ethnic minority.

Or also from Wikipedia:

Black people is a term which is usually used to define a racial group of human beings with dark skin color. Some definitions of the term include only people of relatively recent Sub Saharan African descent (see African diaspora), while others extend the term to any of the populations characterized by dark skin color, a definition that also includes certain populations in Oceania and Southeast Asia.

Even by the African diaspora defintion he is still Black.

Random stuff:

1. Job interview this afternoon, wish me luck. This is for the CDC field researcher position which is a one year contract job for the National Survey of Family Growth.
2. Yesterday I had an unexpected phone interview for an admin position with SEIU. She asked why I wanted admin when I clearly had the experience for an organizer position. It's the hours, the hours, the hours. Not ready for upwards of 60 hour weeks quite yet. Maybe when the kids are in college. But she will be calling me when they figure out where they are going with their office reorganization. It went well. Now hope they hae a position for me.
3. Ethan has an orthodonstist appointment today. Just normal braces readjustment stuff.
4. He had a doctor's appointment two days ago. Scoliosis check. He's fine, despite what the school nurse thought she saw.
5. I got a lot done errand-wise yesterday after BFF Vicki left. (We ate a late breakfast at Waffle House to drown our post-primary sorrows in the syruppy goodness of waffles, the wonderful toast dipping goodness of over easy eggs and, of course, bacon, bacon, bacon. YUM!)
6. After I wrote yesterday's entry regarding the primary, I actually felt a lot better.
8. What could be better than #7?

Ah, remember when...

Remember when I was so inspired by those Obama videos?

Well here is a funny-ass, scary parody, enjoy! (Be sure to watch for the sign language interpreter!)

And remember when anonymous people used my blog for their SEIU agenda? And then I said "Chill, my eyes are opened, you need not try to pry them any further open?" Well "Negative Anon" left one last comment, which I want to address. I don't want to climb the SEIU ladder, I know it is brutal work, but I believe in the transformation taking place, so please use your own blogs for snarky political infighting or at least have the balls to sign your name.