Greening the Last Frontiers

I've been trying to replace many of my remaining day-to-day bad eco-habits with good eco-habits and I'm down to a few remaining vices. The last to go are tampons, pantyliners, cotton pads for toner, the impossible little bits of the various handmade soaps I love so dearly, occasional paper towels, tissues, toilet paper and what we, in this house, call "butt-wipes."

So, here is the most recent run down:

Menstrual Products
I have always used Natracare tampons which are 100% cotton and not bleached with dioxins as opposed to rayon combined with conventionally grown cotton, which in the United States mean genetically modified and laden with pesticides before they bleach them with dioxins, a known carcinogen. I still feel wasteful, especially since I use the kind in the cardboard applicator. In the world of reusable menstrual products, there are many options:

• Cups:  JuJu, Lunette, The Keeper & the Moon Cup, Fleurcup, LadyCup, Yuuki Cup, DivaCup, MeLuna & MeLuna Soft, CupLee, Femmecup, Mpower, SheCup, Alicia Cup, IrisCup, Miss Cup (this site is not in English), MiaCup, MCUK, Natucup  I decided to try the DivaCup, a silicone cup available widely in the United States. The original cup, the Keeper, is rubber latex and, due to my immune system, I was worried I might develop a latex allergy. Some people do not like the idea of silicone, but I believe one or more of the above cups may be made of something else. There is a learning curve with a menstrual cup, but it is quite brief and I was fine by the end of my first period with the DivaCup. Most brands have videos and/or instructive illustrations to help you navigate the new experience, but if you need additional help you can check various forums or YouTube. Because you can leave them in for so long (8-12 hours depending on your flow) you will probably not have to deal with emptying and cleaning them in public. If you do, carry a small wipe in your pouch, dampen it before entering a stall, remove and empty the cup, wiping it with tp if necessary, and then clean with the damp wipe. I use Wyspi Wipes which are tablets that expand when wet and are strong enough to be rinsed and reused several times. There are many ways to keep the cups clean; follow the instructions on the site you buy from, especially pay attention to the Keeper's instructions as they are different for rubber than for silicon. A few companies make washes for between emptyings: Lunette and DivaCup are the two I've found and I use the latter. You could stick a small cloth wipe or washcloth in your bag as well. The bag they send you is kind of dorky and a bit too small, in my opinion. I went to Etsy and found many cute choices for a personalized bag. This is the one I bought.

 

• Sponges: There don't seem to be many commercial brands, and for sanitary reasons, I am loath to try to make my own. There are Sea Pearls, Luna Sponge, Levant Sponge and Jam Sponge. If you want to make your own there are many sources for sea sponges online and directions for sterilizing them are here, although I would boil them a bit longer than recommended. Just make sure they are natural sea sponges and you follow the instructions to the letter to keep them clean. If you make your own, it is generally cheaper to buy a larger one and cut them into the sizes and number you need.
• Pads: There are so many companies and home businesses which make and sell cloth menstrual pads that I shouldn't even begin to list them here, but a few good sources are GladRags, Lunapads.com, Party in My Pants, Comfy Cloth Pads, Sorella Luna, New Moon Pads, Sckoon and Amazon. If you'd like to support work at home parents, good sources are Etsy, Ebay, Cloth Pad Shop, Cloth Menstrual Pad Database and Hyena Cart. You can also find many sources to make your own pads, just make sure you use the correct materials and find a shape you really like before you make a bunch; try sewing one or two of a few patterns and seeing which one works well for you. I suggest you do the same when buying from any source. Don't go whole hog and buy a whole supply if you're not sure what will be your favorite. I only use pantyliners occasionally and bought one from Lunapads.com with which I am not in love, so I'm looking at several options on Etsy right now to try. In any case, you will need a wet bag for travel and one for home. (I bought a double pocketed one so that I can carry dry liners in one side and wet in the other.) If you you don't want to stain treat, rinse and soak and do frequent washings, you might want to look into a soaking jar, bucket (bucket 2, bucket 3) or bag. You'll still need to change the water frequently, but you should be able to make it through the week without too much hassle. Either way, follow the washing instructions for your specific pads. These are my travel wet bag and home zippered wet bag which I am using for two other reusable items, as well. (More on that below.) The seller, Sam of MyBeautifulgirl, is a SAHM/WAHM. I also bought a reusable travel trash bag, as my old, vinyl Hello Kitty one was shot after 7 or 8 years of heavy duty use. My new one is super cute and matches my car well. Then, as a free gift/sample, Sam also sent me one of her gorgeous, super-soft wipe/small washcloth made of organic bamboo velour on one side and sherpa on the other, like the nursing pads she is currently selling.

• Reusable tampons: You can buy them from Etsy sellers RedMoonHippie, danilykewoah, moocowmomm, and various sellers elsewhere on the Internet. You can also find many patterns to make your own, either by crocheting or knitting, sewing or--no lie, it's pretty common--rolling up organic cotton baby socks. The most promising looks like the Honour Your Flow cloth tampons. A video shows you how they look when you get them and how you prepare them to use.

• There are interlabial pads, which are just what they sound like they'd be. Although, for many people these are more of a supplemental pad for a cup or cloths pads, especially during the nighttime to prevent misdirected menstrual flow.
• Lastly, there are period panties. A few to check out are WeMoon's Nights, Remii Menstrual Underwear, Period Panties, Lunapanties (which are actually panties meant to hold Lunapads), Adira underwear, MeiMei, Women'Secret, Vvskivvys, Mustave, Stride, it seems only one seller on Etsy makes them and, of course, there's always Ebay. These are meant to be worn for very light to light flow or with pads, cups and the like to prevent leaking if you are a very heavy bleeder.

Cotton Cosmetic Pads and Soap Savers 
I use one, sometimes two, organic, unbleached cotton pads for my face per day. Then I throw them in the trash. I searched for a cloth version for a while, but I only could find pads or cloths which were too expensive, too smooth, too rough and/or much too large. I also found that many people crocheting face "scrubbies" of Etsy were using non-organic and/or bleached or dyed yarn. I finally found a seller (amieq of Stitches N' Stones) who was crocheting  "cotton ball" sized cotton pads (appx. 2" diameter before washing, smaller than the regular  "scrubbies" which are appx. 3" diameter before washing). I "convo'ed" her and asked is she could make me 40 of the small size pads in unbleached cotton yarn and I also asked if she could make two of her soap savers in the same yarn. She not only promptly agreed to make the order, but did not charge me extra for custom yarn and I had the items in my house within six days. Now, as my soap gets to the point where it usually melts away in the dish, I can put the bits in my soap savers to exfoliate and clean myself. (I bought an extra for when the first is in the wash.) My entire order with shipping was less than $20.00 which is about what I spend on cotton pads per year and the soap savings are a little bonus! She even included two of her regular sized scrubbies in the same yarn at no extra cost as a sample/thank you gift. I'll be putting used cotton balls in the wet bag pictured above with pantyliners during that time of the month.



Toilet Paper
Toilet paper is a no go. I am much too germ- and fecal-phobic to convert the family to cloth "family wipes," which, when dampened, could also replace "butt wipes." [NOTE: At least two products included in that search are not for your bottom, so read carefully. If you use these types of wipes and have sensitive skin, please be aware that Pampers Kandoo makes the only fragrance free wipe available to the general public. There are wipes which are meant for home health care which are much more expensive, so unless you have a "thing" against Pampers, I'd skip the others.] Yes, we did use cloth diapers and cloth wipes, yet, somehow, although the concept is exactly the same, I cannot do it. Sorry, Gaia... My family--and guests, I'm sure--thank me for this. If you are so inclined, I suggest you ask the Etsy seller you choose if they can custom make wipes from organic, unbleached bamboo, which is super soft and sustainable. There are plenty of places to be found to answer any questions you might have about the logistics of "family wipes." Like I said, the logistics are the same as cloth baby wipes. Keep a container of clean, dry wipes by the toilet (along with a bottle of water with a touch of Dr. Bronner's, witch hazel, fragrance free pH balanced body wash or whatever you like diluted in it if you'd like to have moist wipes) and a bucket (such as a kitty litter bucket) or a diaper pail with an airtight lid next to the toilet as well. Depending on your preference and fabric used, you may choose to soak or not, with additives like OxiClean Baby, hydrogen peroxide, vinegar or whatever you are advised by the maker of the wipes. You can buy wipes from Wallypop, Family Cloth Wipes, Etsy (link 2, link 3) and Ebay.

Tissues & Paper Towels
We use many fewer paper towels than most households. We have a full cabinet of rags made of old towels, washcloths and old, cotton clothes and sheets. We also have dozens of cloth napkins (fancy and plain, new and antique). We probably won't be getting rid of paper towels altogether anytime soon, but maybe in the next big push I can at least try to wean myself off of them.
Tissues? Well, we're a house full of people with allergies. I have dozens of beautiful hankies and sturdy white, men's handkerchiefs which I use for drippy noses and really runny noses, but the day-to-day blowing which takes places will be into disposable facial tissues for the unforeseeable future.

Every few years, we add a few more green habits to our repertoire and I think we're doing pretty well right about now.

Fuck that shit!

Every year our insurance company has us take a health assessment so we can get a discount on our coverage.
I just completed mine.
I realize I am overweight. Obese, even. But the assessment just told me I need to lose sixty to NINETY pounds to be in the "healthy" range.
I haven't weighed NINETY pounds less than I do now since middle school. I was shorter, had much smaller breasts, had not given birth, was 27 years younger and people thought I was too skinny!
If I lost NINETY pounds at this point in my life, people would most definitely think I was terminally ill.
I wouldn't mind losing some weight; this is true. Due to certain health circumstances this would be difficult for me even if I was motivated and not moderately lazy and not in love with food (I don't eat a lot of food or much junk food at all, but I do eat what I like); but there is no way in HELL that I want to look like I would look if I lost NINETY pounds.
So...
Like the title says:
FUCK THAT SHIT!

Outraged yet? Pay attention!

One of my favorite buttons says, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." I pay a lot of attention, so that should explain much to the people who know me.

"I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV’s while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.’ Well, I’m not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot - I don’t want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, ‘I’m a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!’ So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"--Quote from the movie Network (1976)

On Friday I completed the Live Below the Line Challenge which I wrote about with tips and recipes (of a sort) on this blog. The challenge (to which you can still donate here) opened up a lot of conversation with people I know--and a few I never met before--and many of these people either had tales or tips from their lives living on little money or questions asking for advice or tips from me.


One friend told me of going to a food bank:

"I was grateful for the help but blown away by the quantities of sugar they gave me. I understand processed foods like mac and cheese and canned veggies because they keep and are easy to donate. But why did they give me 5 packages of cookies, frosted flakes and 2 bags of marshmallows? A box of 'nilla wafers and two packages of sugar wafers too. There was way more than that in terms of sugar. They gave me beef liver and some kidneys, which I would not know what to do with even if I did eat organ meat. I guess that is what people donated and I should not be upset because I am taking a hand out."

Outraged yet? This person is not taking a government "hand out" (I am using quotes, because I don't see programs such as SNAP to be hand outs) but utilizing the charity of the citizens in the area. Compassionate conservatism, right? And for one's integrity, one gets marshmallows, cookies and kidneys. And we wonder why there is an obesity epidemic. Not only do we, as a culture, eat this way, but we see so little wrong with eating this way, that we consider marshmallows appropriate "food" to donate to those in need. I'm not saying we don't all deserve a cookie now and again, regardless of our station in life, but if you are donating a case of marshmallows and no vegetables or pasta or beans or rice to a food bank, then you might want to reconsider your own eating habits. And if you own a business and are donating a case of marshmallows which is about to expire so you can get a tax write-off, you might want to consider making a "real" donation, as well, so your conscious can stay crystal clear. And--hey!--extra tax write-off!

For the challenge, I just utilized things I've learned over the years. Yes, we used to be "poor." We utilized Medical Assistance, CHIP, WIC, SNAP and even, briefly, TANF. Here are some of those things:

• Rice, beans, lentils and grains (like barley and wheat berries) are cheap in bulk and can be combined in infinite ways for breakfast, dinner and lunch and the leftovers always taste better than the first day, so you're less likely to waste leftovers. You just have to plan ahead because of the soaking. But you can soak a bunch a the beginning of the week and keep in the fridge until you're ready to cook. They are all pretty good sources of protein, as well, except for rice.
• Nuts and nut butters are great sources of protein and not too expensive.
• Eggs are a cheap source of protein and aminos.
• You can add anything to pasta. (ANYTHING! Veggies, nut butter, sauces galore, butter, oil, spices, herbs, meat, eggs, fish, beans. Seriously: anything!) And pasta is cheap and filling and great reheated as leftovers.
• Greens are probably cheaper bought frozen or bought in bulk and prepared for the freezer yourself [I highly recommend the previous link for instructions on freezing greens], because you won't have them going bad in your fridge if you don't want to eat the same ones three days in a row.
• Weighing and measuring ingredients and portions allowed me to know almost exactly how much a meal cost and how many calories and grams of fat/protein/et cetera. So a good set of measuring cups and spoons and scale are important.
• Freezing things like pesto, minced garlic, chopped onions and peppers in airtight bags or containers let's you buy items in bulk when they are on sale and makes it super easy when it's time to cook. (I did baby food this way when the kids were little as well. Cook, puree and freeze in ice cube trays. Pop the cubes into a freezer bag.)
• Having a wide variety of condiments, seasonings, dried herbs and spices is important because it allows you infinite varieties with few ingredients. Buying these items in bulk is easy since they generally last forever under proper storage conditions. You can buy one or two bulk items a month until you've built up your cupboard.
• TVP is a great meat "stretcher" or substitute, stores wonderfully and can be bought in bulk cheaply. I have a vegan "sloppy joe" recipe using TVP instead of ground meat, and you cannot tell the difference.
• I learned to make a lot of things on the cheap from the Tightwad Gazette books. (Taco seasoning, cream of chicken soup mix, muffins using leftovers--don't forget to freeze extra muffins for later, shake 'n' bake, baby wipes--I used this a LOT and saved a LOT of money when my youngest was in diapers, but I used cut up flannel and terry, rather than paper towels as we did cloth diapers--and on and on...) I highly recommend checking your library for them if you can't afford to buy the compendium. (Don't forget, libraries will try to order books they don't have if they think it's a good addition to the collection. All you have to do is ask.)
• Crock-pots! Crock-pot meals are not only easy, but help with eating on the cheap. There are a ton of great crock-pot recipes on the web, but one of my favorites is A Year of Slow Cooking.
• The website MyFridgeFood is new to me, but really helpful if the cupboards are getting low or you have a craving for a specific ingredient but don't know what to make with it.
• Sprouts are easy, even if you aren't a "green thumb," cheap when you buy bulk seeds, nutritious and can be used in myriad ways. Plus they are a fun project to do with your children. Even picky kids will eat healthier if they helped to make the food.
  

So, I hope you can use some of these tips, no matter what your economic situation and pass them along. These tips are a great starting point for eating less animal protein, saving money, using less packaging, consuming fewer "Big Food" products and getting creative with your diet.

Day 3 & 4: Feeling Like I was Cheating When I Wasn't

Days 3 and 4 are done. Sorry I didn't post last night; I've been feeling really tired since Saturday. It might be related to some mold we found in the house as I am pretty allergic to molds. There wasn't much to recap, anyway, since I didn't really feel like eating. I wasn't terribly hungry today, either, so the past two days I feel like, by being sick, that I've been cheating by having a "leg up" because of being sick. Just wrong, right? Well that's the way my mind works...

For a brief catch up if it's your first time here, scroll down to the post Shameless Promotion for a Good Cause/PLEASE SPONSOR ME!!! and read your way back up to this post.

Some facts from Live Below the Line's website.

5. 75 Million Kids miss out on going to school, most of them girls
6. The end of extreme poverty can be achieved. The World Bank found the percentage of people living in extreme poverty has dropped from approx 52% in 1982 to 25% today.
7. In 2011, February 19, the US put forward a motion to make huge cuts in this year's budget. Poverty-fighting, cost-effective programs - which make up less than one percent of the US budget - were sharply cut.
8. Key programs that fight AIDS, malaria and hunger were cut by 40%. Programs that promote long-term economic growth were chopped up to 30%.

Day 3
I had a cup of tea with a teaspoon of sugar. TOTAL COST: $.045
Later, I had a bowl of cooked barley with a tablespoon of honey. TOTAL COST: $.14
For dinner I had two eggs fried in part of a tablespoon of Country Crock Spread and a piece of Martin's potato bread toast with the rest of the tablespoon of Country Crock. I also had 3 ounces of applesauce. TOTAL COST: $.50
For a snack, I ate half of a banana. TOTAL COST: $.09
GRAND TOTAL: $.78

Day 4
I had a cup of tea with a teaspoon of sugar. TOTAL COST: $.045
Later, I had an open-faced tuna melt. TOTAL COST: $.73

"RECIPE":
Mix 1 tbsp mayonnaise with 1/2 can of drained tuna (packed in water)
Toast a piece of bread and spread tuna on toast
Top with a slice of American cheese
Broil until the cheese is melting. (We have a toaster oven, so broiling one tiny thing isn't as "decadent" as it sounds.)

I had another cup of tea with a teaspoon of sugar, but I had to use an new teabag, as Nate had thrown my used one into the trash. (Not even the compost, sheesh!) TOTAL COST: $.045

Then I had a bowl of full-fat Greek yogurt with half of a banana sliced and six chopped almonds (which is approximately 1/4 ounce) and a tablespoon of honey. TOTAL COST: $.68
GRAND TOTAL: $1.50

I'm pretty sleepy, so I'll see you tomorrow. Last day! You still have time to sponsor me by clicking through the link in the title of this post. It's a secure and tax deductible donation.

Day One: Chocolate and change to spare...

Well, I made it through day one. I did drink a lot of water. And I did pee a lot. Other than that, it wasn't too bad.
In case you don't know what I'm talking about, read this and this.

Some facts from Live Below the Line's website.

1. There are 1.4 Billion people still living in extreme poverty despite the fact that there is enough food to feed everyone one and a half times over.
2. Half the world’s population are women yet 70 % of the world’s poor are women. They work 2/3rd of the world’s working hours and earn only 10% of the world’s income and own less than 1 % of the world’s property

On to the food!

I don't usually eat when I wake up. I'm just not hungry and my first pills of the day need to be taken on an empty stomach, so I had a cup of tea with a teaspoon of sugar. TOTAL COST: $.045

A few hours later and I was hungry so I had a bowl of cooked barley and water to drink. TOTAL COST: $.085

"RECIPE":
1/4 cup dry barley (rinsed)
1 tsp sugar
3/4 cup water
In a small covered saucepan simmer ingredients over a low flame (I have a gas stove and use a heat diffuser under the pan) until the barley are tender. Don't let them get mushy or you won't get to enjoy chewing your food.

Through the afternoon until dinner I had two snacks: 1/2 ounce of raw almonds (about 15 almonds) and an ounce of applesauce (two tablespoons). I drank as much water as I wanted through the day. TOTAL COST: $.14

Dinnertime! I had black eyed peas, rice and spinach with some Frank's Red hot. TOTAL COST: $.42

"RECIPE":
1 cup soaked (overnight) black eyed peas
Place beans in the bottom of a small saucepan cover with water so no beans are "poking up" through the surface of the water.
Cover and simmer for about 30 minutes, checking occasionally for tenderness.
When the beans are tender stir in 1/4 teaspoon of Goya cilantro and annatto seasoning and 1/8 teaspoon of Goya ham seasoning.
Cook for another minute or two to ensure the the seasoning is cooked through the beans and "bean juice."
Stir in one ounce of frozen chopped spinach and cook until spinach is heated through.
Serve over one cup of white rice. (Cook rice with water at a 1:2 ratio. For example: 1/3 cup of dry rice plus 2/3 cup of water. If you don't use a rice steamer, simmer the rice and water on low in a small, covered saucepan and DO NOT stir at all. You stir: you get sticky rice.)
Serve with one tablespoon of Frank's Red Hot sauce.
NOTE: Goya seasonings contain MSG which some people do not like and/or to which they have sensitivities. I use it because I enjoy the slight saltiness and the strong umami flavor. If you can't use them, experiment with your own herbs and/or spices.

As the evening went on I snacked on a mixture of 1/2 ounce whole, raw almonds, 1/2 ounce of craisins and 1/2 ounce of raisins. TOTAL COST: $.23

I stay up pretty late, so I have my third "meal" between 10:30 p.m. and midnight. Tonight I ate one pack of cooked ramen noodles. TOTAL COST: $.15

After my noodles I finished the dried fruit and almonds from before the ramen. And then I ate three Hershey Kisses. TOTAL COST: $.12

GRAND TOTAL: $1.27

In case you are wondering how much "a lot" of water is, I drank 3.75 liters and just refilled my 750 mL bottle to take to bed. On an average day I drink about 1.5 liters.

Anyone wanting to know how I arrived at specific prices, please email me with your question(s).

The Night Before Day 1

In case you did not see my previous post, go read it now. Go on; I'll wait.

From Live Below the Line's website:

The Rules
The “what”: Feed yourself on $1.50 per day for 5 days
The “when”: May 16 – 20, 2011
The “how”: Each day’s food budget is $1.50. However, you can spend the entire week’s allotment once. So you can go shopping at the beginning of the week and spend $7.50, but you won’t be allowed to purchase anything else for the remainder of the challenge.

The Goal
Live Below the Line was designed to give you a glimpse into what it's like for the millions of people living in extreme poverty. It’s an experience meant to be shared with others, as well as an important opportunity to raise funds for the campaign to end extreme poverty.

It's Sunday night and I've done a lot of my prep work for the next few days.
Beans are soaking:Beans and seeds are sprouted: Price list is nailed down:(A note on my prices: We do almost all of our shopping at Costco and the rules allow for using partial packages. I've based the price list on these two factors.)

Some "holy trinity" is cooked up:
I'm planning on eating little bits of food many times a day instead of a few meals and I'll be drinking a lot of water.
So, other than weighing and math and cooking and eating, what will I be doing this week? When I'm hungry and not busy, I'll probably be painting my nails. It keeps me occupied and you can't eat with wet nails.
I finished tonight with a few leftover blueberry pancakes, then some Hershey kisses, then a hyooooge gin and tonic. See you next week, old friends. Sigh.

Shameless Promotion for a Good Cause/PLEASE SPONSOR ME!!!

From May 16th to May 20th, I'll be taking the Live Below the Line challenge and eating and drinking on just $1.50 per day to raise funds for CARE and Global Poverty Project. CARE’s maternal health programs, which seek to safeguard women’s health during pregnancy and childbirth, and ensure mothers have access to emergency lifesaving health care. Healthy mothers are essential to poverty reduction. I hope to raise awareness about the issue of extreme poverty and encourage others to join the cause. I will do the challenge individually, but in concert with thousands of other people across 3 continents. I hope to be a voice for change.
My fundraising goal is $300. If everyone on my friends list gave just $1.00, I would exceed that goal.
PLEASE SPONSOR ME by clicking through to make a secure donation.

O hai! Iz u my dokter?

OK, so. I hate being vulnerable, and feeling ugly or gross makes me feels very vulnerable. But I have this rash, these hives, this swelling, this peeling, burnt looking skin and it's not getting better. In fact, each phase has been uglier and more gross and more painful and humiliating than the last. So, I'll lay the whole thing out here for a few reasons.

• I feel like if I talk about my most vulnerable moments that I will eventually realize I shouldn't feel bad about normal bumps in the road.
• Maybe one of you has gone through this same thing or something similar and can share some advice.
• I'm pissed off about the whole thing and maybe putting it out there will calm me down a bit.

Early in the year I had a rash on my chin and the right side of my face. It looked kind of like ringworm which is not a worm at all but a fungus. It is related to the fungus that causes women's yeast infections, thrush, athlete's foot and the yeast infections babies get with diaper rash sometimes. I used several things to treat it and it went away.
I used the following treatments:

1. Twice a day I applied Skinbiotics Treatment Oil by Derma E which is tea tree oil and oregano oil, both anti-fungal and tea tree oil is also an anti-bacterial.
2. Twice or three times a day I applied Nelson Bach USA Pure & Clear Acne Gel which contains tea tree oil and calming homeopathic ingredients.
3. I continued my acne routine which is the kit by Nature's Gate called Natural Results Acne Treatment containing a cleanser, toner and lotion. I made to sure to remember to do the routine twice a day, every day, even though I'm usually a bit lax with it. The salicylic acid in the kit is anti-microbial and the ingredients are calming, soothing and moisturizing.
4. In between the toner and moisturizer steps above, I wiped a cotton ball with colloidal silver all over my face and let it mostly dry .
5. I drank 10 drops of NutriBiotic Grapefruit Seed Extract in water three times a day.
6. I took 15 drops of BioAllers Allergy Relief Mold Yeast and Dust Allergy Treatment under the tongue every four hours.
7. I drank a ton of water. Way more than my normal amount.
8. And I tried to cut back on sugars as much as I was able.
   

The rash seemed to disappear and I continued the treatment for about two extra weeks just in case there was still something in my system. That brought me to the middle of February.

Then, the weekend before last, I got a small rash on my chest. The area covered was about as big as my hand and the bumps appeared to be hives. They varied in size between two or three times the size of goosebumps to slightly smaller than a pencil eraser. They itched. Not horribly, but as much as you expect hives to itch.

I happened to have a dermatology appointment due to my ongoing hormonal acne (for which I am now trying spironalactone again; I had used it years ago for polycystic ovary syndrome) and showed them the rash. I mentioned I had had an unknown rash on my face a few months before and that this rash itched. They--the resident and attending--diagnosed me with folliculitis even though it doesn't look like folliculitis I've ever seen and this was on an area where clothes don't rub and I--obviously--don't shave. I have been around no new environments, tried no new products of any kind, had no new foods and didn't think I was under any new stress or anything. So I thought, "Fine, I'll take the two doctors' word for it and use the 10% benzoyl peroxide body wash" which is the first line of defense for folliculitis, though you may be familiar with it solely as an acne product. They said use it at bedtime and wash with my normal stuff in the morning.
The first morning I woke up with a slightly red, slightly dry and tight (even though I had moisturized with the advised cream), somewhat larger patch of rash. "Hm, maybe it has to get worse before it gets better?"

The second morning everything was the same as the first, but the rash had spread on my chest, and further up my neck. "Weird."The third morning my skin was "severe sunburn red," dry as hell, flaking, burning and painful. The rash had spread up neck to my face. That night the entire rash and inflamed areas itched like hell. I'm talking crazy making itching. Over the course of this rash I had been taking benadryl to no avail and it still didn't help. Not even the benadryl spray or hydrocortisone gel. I had an event to go to that night so I slapped some makeup on and tried to be brave. It wasn't to bad. [This picture is from Monday but is indicative of Saturday as well.]
Sunday and Monday were pure hell and the call I put into my dermatologist's office Monday wasn't returned until 4:55. I didn't hear the phone ring. I saw the message from the resident who said he needed me to call him back, but he was done at 5:00. By the time I called it was too late. Meanwhile all day and night for those two days, I continued using Aveeno Skin Relief Moisturizing Lotion for cooling and itch relief, Aveeno Anti-Itch Concentrated Lotion for skin protection and itch relief and moisturizing with La Roche Posay Lipikar Body Balm (which, incidently, costs the same for a huge-ass bottle in France as the little tube costs in the US: RIP-OFF!). The glycerin in the lotions always burns a bit at first as my skin is highly sensitive, but, let me tell you, I've never experienced burning this bad. But I powered through those first few minutes because it seems every lotion has parabens, glycerin, fragrance and/or petroleum derived products and they all burn, but glycerin is the only one I don't get a reactive rash after using it.
All the while, since shortly after the rash started, I have been waking up with swollen upper and lower eyelids and lips. The doctors did not seem concerned at all about this. Not that it wasn't related to the rash, but that it is perfectly normal to start waking up with swollen eyelids and lips all of the sudden. The swelling is worse on some days by others and looks not all that bad--but still noticeable--by the time I photograph it.

Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:
Sunday:
Monday:
Tuesday:

This morning I called the dermatologist's office again and the girl I talked to yesterday (to leave a detailed message for the resident) told me that he said if the benzoyl peroxide was too drying then to use Cetaphil cleanser (which contains SLS, which I normally avoid like the plague as it also badly irritates my skin) instead and to keep moisturizing. "Great," I said to the woman, "And what do I do to get rid of the rash since I can't use the benzoyl peroxide and Cetaphil obviously will not clear up the rash, even if it is folliculitis, which I highly doubt it is at this particular point in time as I did when he diagnosed that." She paused and admitted he did not give any pertinent directions as regarded the rash. She asked me what drug he had given me for the itching. "Um, none? And it is about ten times worse than it was." She paused. Then she took thorough notes on the call and said either she or the resident would call me back today.

It's now 6:26. I think I'm not getting a call back. What do you think?
But just in case this plague is somehow related to the February plague, I've taken it upon myself to add steps four, five and six back in for now.
The phone literally rang as I typed that last sentence and it was the resident, who seemed to remember nothing about my case, insisted it was probably my "acne acting up on [my] chest neck and face." I said, "But it looks nothing like acne, it itches like hell and I've never had more than a half dozen to a dozen spots at one time in my entire life, much less a full face, neck and chest eruption resembling poison ivy at this point in appearance and itchiness even though I've been nowhere near the plant since last spring." Doctor: "Sigh." Me:"..." Doctor: "I guess I can fit you in tomorrow.Can you come around 3?" "No I have another very important appointment then, but it's in Hershey so can I come right afterward?" "Sure, I'll let the nurses know to put you in for about 3:45."
So. At least one more night of this hellish itching and Hellboy redness. Dude better give me something other than a damn wash or I'm kicking him in the balls and telling him that pain he feels is acne.

Blahg Blerg

I haven't been here a bit. I lost a follower. I figured I'd lose that person when I started blahg-ing about all of my girl troubles. But this page is for me, so no worries. I guess...

So. My surgery.

After much worrying and fretting, I had my laporoscopy on 12 January (this past Wednesday). As expected, adhesions were found. Nothing else was found. So pretty much a by-the-book kind of experience. They went in through my belly-button, filled my abdominal cavity with gas to create space to look around and work, saw a super healthy liver, normal uterus and ovaries and a rather gross looking adhesion from my stomach to my my small intestine and uterus. They clipped and snipped and sewed--okay: glued--me back up.

Whenever I have general anesthesia it really knocks me on my ass. It leaves me a bit blue--as do the painkillers which often accompany procedures requiring general anesthesia--and pretty tired. Any kind of procedure also usually leaves my inflammatory disease more inflammatory than usual. So I have a little more joint pain and swelling than usual and a very mild fever. Since I am not currently employed I have decided to use this time to recuperate in bed. It seems luxurious and boring and lazy and needed.

Not Happy About Today's Horoscope

I kind of believe and kind of don't believe in horoscopes. But the Yahoo horoscopes seem to consistently relate to whatever my current situation seems to be. Here is today's:

Daily Extended for January 7, 2011 (Today)

Capricorn

12/22 – 1/19

Overview

There's one simple way to make the next few weeks of your life easier: Let go of all the things you can't control. Yes, this is easier said than done, but once you start to make the effort, you will immediately get a taste of the freedom it brings. Sometimes, guilt can keep you from moving away from old setbacks, bad relationships or other unpleasant dramas. If you're feeling guilty, ask yourself why. There's no way to go back in time. The only option is to keep going forward!

I don't like. Where's the "don't like" button?

My Panties

I know that caught your attention, but this is really just a TMI, girl talk post. Feel free to click away if the words "tampon" or "uterus" make your squeamish or blush. In fact, go look at this to clear those words from your mind.
My laproscopic surgery is next Wednesday the 12th. In preparing for the possibilities of anything from them finding nothing to the horribly unexpected "total hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy" (removal of uterus with cervix, tubes and ovaries) I have been reading some sites' lists of stuff I might want for recovery. I figured I'd prepare for the worst and then it won't happen. (That's always been my theory and it's always worked for me.)
Two of the things I had to buy gall me. Menstrual pads and granny panties.
I find pads gross for many reasons I won't enumerate, but if I have bleeding after the surgery I will not be able to use tampons, so I bought a pack of the hated items and hope I do not have to use them. I didn't even buy the cloth kind or the eco-friendly disposables, because I reallyreally don't even like the bad, plastic-y kind, but at least they lock "stuff" into their chemical goop. (By the way, I highly recommend Natracare tampons. They're just like old school Tampax or o.b.--depending on whether you get the applicator or not--but no dioxins, plastic or rayon. And they're an ethical business.)
And granny panties? Nuh-uh. I have never worn them, so buying a "7 pairs for the price of 6 100% cotton Hanes Briefs" pack at Target was somewhat shaming for me as someone who takes great pride in not haven "given up" on my looks and clothes. Even worse? They apparently only make such things in little girl patterns and colors. There was not a pack of all white briefs and there were no black briefs at all. So now I own seven pairs of 100% cotton granny panties which make me look like a very over-sized toddler. The worst? I bought them a size too big so they will be super comfy. Lets hope this doesn't lead to something awful, like a fondness for the damn things. Right up there with a taste for human brains in my book. Scratch that. At least zombies are cool, for crap's sake.

It's my job to worry.

I was trying to remember where I had heard a quote something like my title when, for no particular reason, I remembered one of the quotes I had to memorize for Mr. Lavelle's notoriously difficult AP English final in high school. In 1990. (Looking back, I realize now that the final was actually really easy. A gift to us, the students he had made think all year long, but we all liked the mythology behind "the hardest final ever" which never changed a single freakin' question from year to year.) Mr. Lavelle was my favorite teacher ever, so in his honor:

Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
[Alfred, Lord Tennyson's "The Charge of the Light Brigade"; Googled only for correct punctuation]

Anywho, that totally has nothing to do with this post, but it's weird what you can suddenly remember 20 years and some months later when you honestly can't recall what you ate today.

So, "Forward, the Light Brigade! Charge for the guns!"

It suddenly occurred to me today that when I have my larproscopy on January 12th, it's possible that rather than finding nothing and leaving me to wonder what to do with this pain and other "stuff," or finding endometriosis and/or adhesions which may cause me to lose my uterus, that a third possibility is that I might lose it all. Or most of it. It honestly hasn't popped into my thoughts the whole time I've been agonizing over whether or not to have my uterus removed if they find nothing when they open me up. (The doctor said that sometimes some people find relief from pelvic pain of unknown etiology by having a hysterectomy. I won't be doing that as there are too many other things that might go wrong: cystocele, hernia, worsening of my IBS, greater surgery aggravating my autoimmune illness/inflammatory response, vaginal, vaginal vault, urethral, small intestine or rectal prolapse and, ironically, pelvic pain.)

This lead to a rather intense anxiety attack with much sobbing. The thought of taking hormones for the rest of my life, when I am not yet 40 and my family has a life expectancy of around 80 or 90 years, usually, terrifies me. I like the way I look, flaws and all, but I do not want to gain more weight, I don't need any drier or pimplier skin and I am not fond of synthetic hormones to begin with. (But the nearest bio-identical doctor is near Philly. Too far for me to travel for a doctor's appointment; I grumble over traveling to Hershey, for crap's sake!)

All of this on top of the mystical proclamation that recovery will take four to seven days to four to six weeks depending on what they have to do, leading me to wonder how employed people plan for this shit.

So, I worry, but that is nothing new. It's my job to worry.

Eating Fat by the Spoonful

I've made a few new changes to my daily routine which are dietary related and I thought I'd share. Feel free to critique if needed, lol.

• A few years back Nate bought me a copper cup which in Ayurvedic medicine is used by filling it the night before with water and drinking it in the morning for the mineral infused water. I've used this off and on, but have started using it every morning to take my morning pills. I keep a 1.5 liter reusable bottle of water on my bedside stand so I don't have to go to the kitchen tap filter every night.
  
• I bought an almond and cashew nut milk "cream" too use in my coffee. The nutty flavor will cut back on the flavor syrup I add (less refined sugar: YAY!) and cut down my dairy consumption.
• I've started drinking kefir again. The stores around here stopped carrying Lifeway for a while and I'm not a fan of the Helios brand, but yesterday I found out the Healthy Grocer started carrying those little individual serving bottles of Lifeway (think Dannon Drinkables) now. So I got those. Helps with portion control, too, but I don't like the wasteful packaging...
• I've started eating a spoonful of extra virgin unrefined coconut oil every day. It's weird to eat a spoonful of fat, but it actually tastes quite lovely.
• I've been drinking a two ounce shot of pure beetroot juice a day. The first day I bought it, I drank the shot right off the shelf, so it was room temperature. I do not recommend that. Cold seems to round out the flavor making it very good if you like beets. Warmth (room temperature) seems to bring out the earthiness and quench the sweetness.
• Lastly: Panther Piss. Some people call this different things, but most alternative medicine routes include some version of it. Two teaspoons of apple cider vinegar (with the mother, so Bragg's is a good one), eight ounces of filtered water and raw honey to taste. Again, tastes quite nice, surprisingly enough.

I'm hoping these changes help me with digestive and metabolism issues I have and just add to my general allover health.
Suggestions? Comments? Recommendations?

I've also started using the lightbox again after forgetting for about a week. My depression is creeping in as the days shorten and I have no life outside of the house nor a job, so every little bit seems to help to stave it off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE:
I forgot to include a cup of white miso every day.