FREE COUCH!! Please spread far & wide in Central PA--Must go SOON!

We bought a new couch to replace our somewhat dilapidated one and would like to offer this old one to friends and their friends before I put it on Freecycle. You must have your own truck and someone to help you load it. We are located in Penbrook (right outside of the City of Harrisburg).

This is, I think, a Broyhill. It was a very well made couch when we got it 12 years ago, but we are hard on furniture since we actually use it and have two sons and many pets. It was custom designed to have the big 4 for me:

1. Removable back cushions.
2. Rectangular--not t-shaped--seat cushions so they can be switched and flipped.
3. Removable cushion covers so they can be removed, washed and line dried.
4. Deep seating.

The current upholstery is the original, which is olive green canvas. Their is no skirt and it has four dark wood bun feet. I might suggest a fifth and sixth be added in the middle of the front and back if your are getting this to fix up. It might keep the frame from twisting again.

And now for the flaws.

1. The top piece of wood across the front has become detached on both ends and twisted so it is now 1" high and 4" deep instead of vice versa.
2. Along the top of this area of the frame--but under the cushion, and only on the one side of the sofa--the upholstery is split open.
3. The upholstery has been split along the seems in two places.
4. One of the seat cushion covers has a large hole on both sides.

With a knowledgeable re-upholsterer who could fix the part of the frame, it could be as good as new. With a slipcover it is perfectly serviceable for a rec room or first apartment. As is, an upscale frat house might enjoy it.

Please pass this along to anyone who might be interested. We will be getting our new sofa this Saturday, the 21st, right before the "Rapture." Whoever wants it will need a truck and a friend to help take it out of the house and load it. Our house is smoke free, but we do have both cats and dogs. Please call 717-314-1217 or email kaylynewcomer@yahoo.com ASAP.

Click the pictures for a larger view, if you see a magnifying glass icon, click again for even larger pictures. The lighter "stripes" on the first picture is the sun coming through the window. The afghan on the back is not included.

How to Feel Twenty Years Younger

• Go to a concert with a girlfriend and gab like kids the whole way there, the whole way back and everytime the music is not blaring.
• Be a tad saucy, but still very sweet, with the bartenders when ordering drinks. They'll like your attitude--and maybe your cleavage--and serve you faster next time.
• Enjoy and dance a little during the opening band, even if you haven't heard of them before, and vow to find their stuff online when you get home.
• Let a guy old enough to be your dad buy "a pretty young lady" (you) a shot of whiskey.
  
• Squeal like a teenager when the lights go down and the band's "coming out" song comes on. Especially when it actually is a song you loved as a teen.
• Squeal like a "tween" when the band actually comes out.
• Bounce like a fool to every single song. (Until you're sweating like a freak and dripping on strangers, but don't give two shits, because you're having so much fucking fun.)
• About two-thirds of the way through the show, yell, "I'm going in!" And bounce into the throng of sweating, shoving, bouncing overgrown frat boys up front. (Even if you have to come back out one song later because there is no oxygen up there... Revel a bit when a couple of young, cute guys give you attaboys on the way out.)
• During the first encore say, "Fuck it." And throw yourself back up front.
• Laugh, but still feel flattered, when you are offered a hand up so you can crowd surf during the second encore.
• Hang out up front after the show to get a set list. And actually get one before the other young cuties get theirs.

Good times.

Paris Daydreams

A Facebook friend of mine (the incomparable Muffy Bolding) is looking for a sublet and a friend of hers suggested a site in which he invested start-up money, airbnb.
I decided to check it out because I have quite liked the idea of home stays rather than hotels for a while now.
Of course, for the destination I entered the one place I will always choose to go if it's totally up to me: Paris. BIG mistake. I'm about to take the joint AmEx and run away for a week or two or five.
The windows, the balconies, the tucked-in-the-eaves garrets with exposed rough-hewn beams and tiny kitchens tucked in corners and handheld showers in teeny tiny tubs and the artist's flare for decorating that many people who sublet because they travel a lot seem to have, especially when they travel with their ballet or theater company or antiquing journeys across Europe for their boutiques as many of the subletters seem to mention. The Nutella and croissant and baguette and cheeses displayed in many of the artfully arranged kitchen pictures. The views of Parisian rooftops and La Tour Eiffel and canals and La Seine and Notre Dame de Paris. The little cobbled lanes one must travel to reach the flats.
MUST. Go. Back.
SOON!

Ketchup List

Not that really anyone reads this, but I haven't posted in a month and four days. I've been going thorugh a lot and trying to get back in the groove at work. And...I got addicted to Facebook.
Argh! I didn't even want to join FB, but now I can't stop!
So since last episode:
[I'm going to do this as clinically as possible so as to keep this from rambling on for a jillion words.]

• I had a pregnancy scare.
• It turned out to be false.
• But the negative test was the false thing.
• Because I had a miscarriage.
• I'm now waiting for a second ultrasound because I have polyps or fibroids or something and they need to see them at a different part of my cycle.
• I've spent the past few weeks worrying about surgeries, d&cs, menopause, and on and on. (Tuesday. Just two more days until the next step.)
• I cannot seem to get in the groove at work since my xmas holiday because of the above, the weather and general health problems discussed in this blog that are still unresolved. (My GI appt is this week, too, as is my general practitioner appt, so we'll wait and see what the next step is with my GI system and the neuropathy.)
• My mental health has been suprisingly good considering the above. I'm still generally happy with life, just sad over events. And my moods have been quite stable, thank you very much.
• I'm qute happy with the Obama administration so far and was in awe of the inauguration, and also glad I didn't go regardless of the historical significance of being there. Because I had a much better view from my couch and it was warm there, too!
• So, that's about it for now. I'm no feeling to creative or chatty...FB might be killing my creatitivty gene, lol. OrI'm just preoccupied a few things right now. I don't know.
• But it is quite cool catching up with long lost friends and acquaintances lives. A lot of them are very suprising to me, which is good and bad in many ways. And the pictures that have been posted of me are acting as a mild motivator to get my fat ass moving at the gym, but I still get sweaty palms thinking of a gym. So I'm not quite there yet, but soon. Really soon...
• Holden has a serious girlfriend for the first time and it makes me feel much older than I did right before he started dating her. And a little bit like I've lost a bit of him I'll never get back, now. Sad. But necessary.

Hey! (Hey!) You (You!): Get into my car!

Yesterday was my 37th birthday. I was sick. I have been sick on every birthday as long as I can remember back to junior high. Apparently I carry the "sick" around but do not allow it to come out until I am done with work, school, holiday shopping and the holidays. My body is either very smart or very dumb. I vote the latter.
In related news, tomorrow is my 24 hour Ph test. The will put a guide wire up my nose, down the back of my throat, into my esophagus. On the outside the wire will connect to a little belt pack computer which monitors the Ph levels in my esophagus for, yes, 24 hours. Sounds fun!!!
For my birthday the boys (whch, of course, includes Nate) and I went to the Melting Pot. One of my favorite places, if not the classiest of my favorites. If you're not familiar with it, it is a chain which only serves fondue. We had traditional Swiss for an appetizer, salads (I had a southwestern Cobb salad), then we had a variety of meats, poultry and fish cooked in the traditional boullion, then for dessert dark chocolate with peanut butter and great dippers. Yum. Even with a bottle of wine we didn't spend a terribly large amount and the boys seemed to have a little fun, so I was happy.
I forgot to mention here, but holden and Ethan went to bed around 9:30 on xmas eve. Holden normally stays up until between 12 a.m. and 1 a.m. on school nights and around 2 a.m. when there is no school the next day. Ethan has a 10 p.m. bedtime on school nights, but 12 a.m. to 1 a.m. bedtime when there is no school the next day. It made me so happy to see they were still at the ages where they can be excited about xmas morning. Holden got an Xbox 360 and Ethan got an Ipod Classic. And Nate and I got lots of great stuff for each other. It was a banner xmas this year.
Then Friday night was my friend Tahnee's surprise birthday party for her 30th which was at Appalachian Brewing Company. We had fun; Tahnee a little too much maybe, lol. It was nice to get out and see people.
Oh and I got a letter today saying I got a 3% merit raise at work.
Good week , other than "the sickness."

Short post to get the balling rolling again.

Tiredtiredtired. And I don't have any idea why, but I am constantly sleeping.
MY BFF and her DH had their gorgeous baby boy, Tobin Samuel Sincoff. (I was up there for a few days so that is my excuse for not blogging for a month, lol.)
I'll post the pics I took after I (finally) email them to the proud and happyhappy parents.
Quick news:

• Boys are on Xmas vacay now.
• My quarter is done (finally!) and I have two paid weeks off. (Great to work for a university.)
• My chest x-ray, bloodwork, biopsies, etc etc were all normal. Cuz it's probably all in my head, right? I am going to take BFF's advice and reuqest a pulmonology follow up for asthma (even though my immunologist seemed pretty sure it wasn't, because, ehy, that's not their speciality, right?) if the 24 hour Ph test shows nothing, since that is already scheduled anyway. Since I skipped it once before thinking it wasn't necessary, that is probably the one test for which they'll find something. Because that is my luck. I could have gone and been taken care of months ago, but I think I'm a doctor or something.
• Honestly it is the kind of tired I had with bad depression, but we'll keep that on the back burner until we know there is no physical reason for it. They already upped my anti-depressant (because of increased depression) and anti-anxiolytic (for sleep since they took me off of the sleep aid I had taken forever because we were trying to weed out some drugs that might worsen the dryness I experience orally, ocularly and-um-vaginally). But I'm going to ask about raising the Effexor XR once again, lowering the cloanzepam back to what it was and going back on the Trazodone at a half of the dose I had been on. (I like chemistry, lol!)
• BFF and I will be starting a slightly different sort of mommy blog shortly.
• My holiday shopping is (almost) done, but nothing is wrapped.
• Reading lot when I'm not sleeping.
• My plants are doing well, knock wood.
• I'm Twittering a bit more regularly the past few days to try to get some momentum to post here.
• And I'm thinking of starting a tumblog. Ooops, I did it. No posts, yet.

My Behind is Behind

Yeah, so it's been a while. It's hard for me to feel like posting as my depression is getting worse and there seems to be too much to say to have the energy to explain. Plus, most of the people in my life already know all of this, but here goes: a recap of sorts.
I had sent an email to my rheumatologist regarding the neuropathy that was a paranoid rant about how "maybe I have sarcoidosis or MS??" My rheumy graciously responding without saying, "Hey nutso!! CHILL!" She explained the reasons why I probably don't have either, but we can run a few tests to prove it and she also suggested I should have had the Ph test for reflux that my immunologist had suggested. (They told me that the wheezing and coughing I've been having for a while was not asthma as far as the tests showed ad it may be reflux--even though I don't have the more common symptoms like heartburn or acid burps. I skipped it because the test required wearing a wire up my nose down into my esophagus for 24 hours, said wire being attached to a little computer I wear on my belt monitoring the Ph levels in my esophagus. Since I was convinced it is not reflux, I said "eewwww" and skipped it.) So I called to schedule that.
Then I got a phone call from my primary care doctor's office saying she received the email from my rheumy and wanted to bring me in to discuss some things we could explore. (They never called me for an appointment before, so this freaked me out a little.)
Meanwhile I had my gastroenterology appointment. The woman told me that we would not do the Ph test as first she wanted to schedule me for an upper GI endoscopy to check for esophogeal damage, ulcers and pre-cancerous lesions. WHAT?? Oooookay. So I scheduled that. Then when the nurse called to go over the procedure and my meds, etc., she said they would do a biopsy to check for eosinophilic esophagitis at the request of the doctor in addition to any they do if the see "something." Oooookay.
Anyway, whatever is causing the wheezing and dry cough is what is probably leaving me exhausted as it obviously interferes with the amount of oxygen I get while I sleep.
Still no idea why I have neuropathy. Probably will have to just live with it at this point. Sigh.
So all of this uncertainity is combining with the fact that it is fall heading into winter and that is always bad for my depression to leave me on a downward slide. My psychiatrist upped my Effexor XR; my PCP took me off of my trazodone and upped my clonazapem and took me off of two other meds (allergy stuff) to try to a) reduce the number of meds I'm taking and b) relieve some of the severe dryness in my eyes, mouth and --ahem!--Sister Suzy. (This is not--as proven by bloodwork--Sjogren's; just dryness from meds and a natural dryness I've always leaned towards. The mouth dryness is annoying because my teeth are starting to chip and break more easily and the eye dryness prevents me from ever wearing contacts. I use Celluvisc in my eyes and various forms of biotene and sugar-free gum to alleviate mouth dryness.)
So now we wait.

In other news, I'm not sure if I've mentioned that both of my boys, in recent months, have cut off their long, luxurious locks into "skater" cuts and my oldest died his black. It actually looks good on him, but the whole "cool teen/tween" thing they are going through makes me sad. I miss my little baby boys snuggling on my lap and laughing crazily at life. Now they are "emo" and perpeutally sarcastic--still funny and not at all depressed, just the projection of coolness and aloofness that makes me miss them even when they are right there in the room.

Holden made high honors and Ethan did well with his first quarter portfolio.

Nate is still working his butt off.

My BFF is ready to pop out a sweet baby boy any day/week now.

My brother-in-law's wife, ditto.

It's hard to be surrounded by baby love just as I'm missing it most.

I've started a few small indoor succulent gardens with various types of living rocks. All of my plants still seem to be doing alright, knock wood.

My book list over there -------> is suffering a bit. I've been reading a lot of magazines when I do read,; I forget to enter books and I haven't reviewed anything for a while. But anyway, at least I'm reading something, right?

And my job... Well, let's just say I'm looking forward to the end of this quarter. I need new sample. New areas to work.

And lastly, poor Ethan is home sick with what seems to be a cold. Voluntarily sleeping. Now that's sick. Poor sweetie.

Ketchup.

Oh...where to start?

Family:
Holden started his drum lessons. So far he is liking them and practicing. We told him he couldn't buy his drum kit until he has stuck with the lessons for a month or two.

Both boys are back in school now. Holden is enjoying school and doing very well, despite his last minute jitters right before he started about going to SciTech. Ethan's school hired a new teacher, so he doesn't have the teacher he thought he'd have and is quite relieved and happy with the new teacher so far.

I got tickets for The View in the mail today. I don't remember requesting them and presume I did it around the time I had ECT. Ma vaguely remembers me asking her about going sometime around the ECT. So my grandma, Ma, and BFF Vicki are going to see The View and, hopefully, get some good free shit. But at the very least BFF and I will get to boo H-ASS-elbeck. Ma and Grandma and I will go up to Manhattan the night before for a "night on the town" since we have to be there early for the taping.

Health:
I finished my antibiotics for the possible Lyme disease last Friday, so if I don't feel better by appx. the 26th, then back to the drawing board regarding the neuropathy and exhaustion. So far all is pretty much the same. Hence the lack of posts lately, because if I am not working, I'm resting. Plus my allergies are out-of-fucking-control right now. I've decided to go ahead with immunotherapy for my allergies, despite the huge time commitment the damn shots will be. But I don't see my immunotherapist until around Thanksgiving. Eh, I'll muddle through, like I always do, I guess.

I've decided to try acupuncture for my pain, but the appt. has not been made yet. (Other things I have not set up yet: 1. Tuning of the piano for Ethan as he wants to take lessons. 2. Lessons for Ethan. 3. Taking my computer in to have the wireless fixed. [Out since my vacation in July...] 4. Setting up a pedicure date with my girlfriend Tahnee as promised. Okay, hold on, I'm going to make some phone calls...)

Politics:

1. Sarah Palin. 'Nuf said. Anything else and my blood pressure rises. But feel free to Google "Palin's lies" or "fact check Palin." Or for the latest gossip on the Palin family, check this out. Plus The Daily Show has been an excellent source for pointing out the McCain-Palin hypocrisies.
2. Love Olberman's "McCain in the Membrane" feature.
3. I'm "eh" so far on Maddow's new show, so far, although I, too, am "Gay for Rachel Maddow."

Dumb-Ass Crap you probably don't care about (even more so than usual, lol.):

I updated my "Books I've Read" list.----------> then scroll down

Some chick I work "with" (remember: it's all relative...) got fired and might get prosecuted. The details will bore you, especially if I already told them to you, lol. But the gossip was juicy to me, anyway.

New shows on the regular DVR-timer list:

1. True Blood
2. Privileged

Sad the season is over/almost over:

1. Swingtown
2. Weeds

Treasured old friends I'm glad to welcome back:

1. Bones
2. House
3. The New Adventures of Old Christine
4. How I Met Your Mother
5. The Office

Picture Pages Picture Pages

Today is picture day. Get ready cuz it's comin' at ya!

Rehoboth version of American Gothic.

Kayly: hat, tent, sunscreen, book

Holden: chillaxing and bronzing

Ethan: rolling in the sand for the hell of it

Nate (not pictured): trying to swim to the horizon

That pretty much sums up our week at the beach.

Awww! Arrgh! Pirate Syd Vicious at the beach house

GAW-gous!!

Fat Cat Lays Flat (Sorry, no mat.)

Nate must have taken this; he's yard proud. See our hammock, almond trees, dog run and, in the very back on the left--behind the big tree, our weeping willow.

Side yard! WOO-HOO!

The very first piece of real, new furniture I bought with money I earned. (See part of my Haeger collection on top?)

Moved the two matching bookcases to either side of the fireplace for my cherished sense of symmetry. (The empty pot is due to my snake plant sunning itself on the back porch. Lazy thing!)

My good friend Tahnee gave (yes! another FREE plant!) me this corn plant as it was too tall for her new(ish) house and suffering there. It was her grandmother's, then her mom's, then hers. It is TWENTY years old. Pray I don't kill the poor thing. (Nate wanted me to show Tahnee how the plant was happy with it's new friends the Madagascar Dragon Tree--a.k.a. Dracaena marginata--with ivy on the right and the money tree o pachira on the left.)

This corner used to be stacked hip high with loose piles of books; now it's my best version of a Martha Stewart-esque functional tableau. Those are wines corks in the carboy.

My newest freecycle acquisition. The aforementioned Madagascar Dragon Tree which came with the ivy and this be-yoo-tee-ful pot. Sweet!

Uhhhh...pdate.

Okay. I'll try to cover it.
The dishwasher is still not fixed. It's been a whole ordeal worthy of an epic adventure movie, and more time wasted waiting "from 8 until 12" than you need to watch all of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
However we did find out that we probably won't have to pay any kind of tuition for Holden as the district has been accepting whatever funds they receive for SciTech students. So yay! for that, if it is, in fact, correct information. But, considering the source, it is probably correct.
Nate's car is (mostly) fixed. That was an ordeal, too, involving me playing chauffeur and faulty parts, etc., etc. He still has no AC, but that was his choice. The radiator is golden, though.
I've been working a lot in Lebanon area, so that is a lot of travel back and forth. On the other hand, that's a lot of mileage payments and travel time that counts towards my total weekly hours.
I'm getting down to the tough part of the job: catching the chronic "no answer" doors. Some people are in there and don't answer. Some people answer and jerk you around or are just plain mean. And some people are just NEVER home, no matter what time I knock. It sucks a bit. But I'll try not to get too discouraged. Which is difficult.
And, finally (for now--I've gotta hit the showers and suit up), my health.
My primary care doctor did not feel the thyroid nodule my gynecology nurse practitioner felt. My thyroid is still chronically enlarged--surprise, surprise considering the word "chronically" in the title there.
Anywho, my PCP said my recent health problems (the neuropathy, some excessive hair loss [clumps], my extreme tiredness all of the sudden, my sudden weight gain of 10 pounds despite my eating earlier in the day and being more active, my increase in pain, my slow healing wounds and my easier-than-usual-even-for-me bruising) could be due to about a dozen different things. So out came seven large tubes of blood for about 12-15 blood tests, including one where they have to keep the blood warm until it is tested, so I had to go the hospital lab instead of the lab at my PCP's office. She also x-rayed my neck from a few angles to see if my autoimmune problems were causing my cervical spine to be swollen, thus pinching nerves and causing the chronic neck and upper back pain in addition to the neuropathy. Still waiting on all of the results. She said she'd call within two weeks. I hate waiting. Hate it. They should tell you right away what's up. Because if these tests show nothing, there are further medical tests she wants to perform. She suspects my AI disease is in flare, or that I have new AIs added to my old diagnosis. Either way, treatment would involve steroids, which I don't want to do at this point unless my doctors all agree that this is the only option right now. I'm hoping it is as easy as B12 shots or adding a relatively benign (compared to steroids) drug or two. Cross your fingers for me.
That is all for now. I'm sure there is a ton of other stuff I can catch my huge throngs of readers up on, but that is what is popping up on the way to the gallows, I mean work. ;-)
P.S. Check out the last post on Bishkek Bop, and then follow my BFF to her new/old blog: Nothing Personal. Nobody deserves this happiness more than BFF and BFF's DH. MWAH, Sincoff family!!

I'm "it."

I was tagged. Instructions are:

• Link the person who tagged you (That would be Amy.)
• Mention the rules on your blog
• Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
• Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them… (I don't know six who haven't already done this!! Two will have to do and I don't know if they'll do it.)
• Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

So...
Hmmm....

1. I like pineapple and pepperoni on my pizza. The salty, sour, spicy and sweet flavors are tremendous, no matter how you may think it might taste.
2. I cannot ride a bike. Really. I have tried as an adult, but I have no sense of balance. Can't do a whole lot of things which require good inner ear workings.
3. Although I would have loved to have had five of my own kids and there are dear loved ones whose children I love almost as much as my own: I really, really don't like other people's children in general, with few exceptions. When my kids have their annual birthday sleepovers, I have to load up on the anxiolytics and hole up in the bedroom.
4. My cars' names have been, in order: Thumper (tan '78 VW Rabbit), Murry (blue '92 Mazda Protege), my gold '96 Mitsubishi Galant for some reason went unnamed although I loved her, and Betty (sky blue '05 Prius). (And Betty has a voice thanks to nav function, so we talk to each other a lot.)
5. I make lists of how I will spend the winnings of any lottery ticket before I purchase it, and all of the charitable giving, family and friends' gifts and endowments and patronships go at the top as a sort of "deal" with the gods to let me win, because, after all, see what a good person I am??
6. I have tried and tried, but I cannot stop picking at scabs. (Literally and figuratively.) It's calming, and it leaves that fresh, red raw skin that I both abhor and love for some reason.

TAG:

• Vicki
• Historical Wit

Bo Diddley done died.

Sad news today: Bo Diddley passed away after a long illness.

In other news:

• My BFF and her DH visited this weekend and we met her DH's oldest friend freshly back from almost 5 years in Thailand and now living right here in Central PA. We went to a local microbrewery--my DH is a "mug club" member/pool fanatic for the place--for their anniversary celebration which included a FREE pork BBQ (baked beans, cole slaw, rolls, the works) and free musci all day, concluding in BFF's favorite musician at the end of the night: Mike Doughty. For FREE!! I love free, yesiree. We had an awesome time together, concluding--as our visits often do--with both DHs falling asleep/dozing on the couches while BFF and I talk and talk and talk. Fun times!!
• My antique rose bush (well not quite a bush; I've been pruning it to bring it back to life, more of a climber by now--wrapped up a trellis of sorts) is flowering beautifully. We think it is a peace rose. It is quite old and was planted by my great-grandparents. When we first moved in: no flowers. Finally two years ago a few flowers. Last year: a handful of flowers. This year: almost as many as it should have for a plant its size. I even clipped two for a "bud vase" (actually, my sake decanter) one of which was in full bloom and one bud. The blooming one closed up last night and reopened this morning and the bud opened today. I have them by the TV so I can see them easily and often.
• I got another Freecylced houseplant the other week. A snake plant or mother-in-law tongue--a few of them, actually. Huge and old and kind of pale when I picked it up. But since I've potted it and watered and fed it, it is perking up and coloring in nicely. I planted it in a huge plastic "terra cotta" pot, but hated how it looked in my pretty living room, so I dropped it into a big green crackle-glazed pot I had been using for balls and sporting equipment in the sunporch. The pot had long since overflowed onto the floor anyway, so this gave me the kick in the butt I needed to actually fix the mess. I got (at my favorite boutique: Targét; and all on SALE! YAY!) two pretty hampers which look like tightly woven grass, but are actually resin for sports stuff and a leather-look trash can for the umbrellas. My sunporch looks much nicer now.
• My yoga bolster came at the end of last week and I have been doing back-bending poses and restorative poses with it, and I'm so glad I spent the $45. Worth it, even though I wasn't sure when I clicked the "pay now" button.
• We switched our bedding for the "summer look" over the weekend. We have a white duvet cover with a few red stripes and our monogram and white pillow shams with red stripes for summer. Nothing like a change of bedding to mark the seasons! How upper middle class is that a sort of thing to say?? Ugh, what has become of me? I'm the lazy, funky Martha Stewart or some goddamned thing.

But if you try, sometimes you just might find you get what you need.

• My MP3 player has been playing what sound like set lists when set on shuffle.


• I finally found a job which seems a great fit for me and is twice as much money as I've ever earned before.


• Things are going well in my friends' and family's lives, if not always as expected.


• I feel like things are looking up in the world in general with a man such as Obama running for POTUS.


• I feel happy and relaxed and am catching up on life.

I used to listen to the Rolling Stones song and only hear, "You can't always get what you want."

Now the next line makes so much sense to me.

For those who are interested:

The new job is a one year contract with the Institute for Social Research's Survey Research Center at University of Michigan. During that year I will be going out into the field in my area and gathering data for the CDCs National Survey of Family Growth. My hours will be very flexible. I am on my own in the field. I will be making twice as much money as I ever have and get paid twice THAT for training for a week this June at University of Michigan all expenses paid. To me this will be like a vacation as I love staying in hotels. And I get to use one of those awesome tablet computers! What could be better?

Random stuff:

1. Job interview this afternoon, wish me luck. This is for the CDC field researcher position which is a one year contract job for the National Survey of Family Growth.
2. Yesterday I had an unexpected phone interview for an admin position with SEIU. She asked why I wanted admin when I clearly had the experience for an organizer position. It's the hours, the hours, the hours. Not ready for upwards of 60 hour weeks quite yet. Maybe when the kids are in college. But she will be calling me when they figure out where they are going with their office reorganization. It went well. Now hope they hae a position for me.
3. Ethan has an orthodonstist appointment today. Just normal braces readjustment stuff.
4. He had a doctor's appointment two days ago. Scoliosis check. He's fine, despite what the school nurse thought she saw.
5. I got a lot done errand-wise yesterday after BFF Vicki left. (We ate a late breakfast at Waffle House to drown our post-primary sorrows in the syruppy goodness of waffles, the wonderful toast dipping goodness of over easy eggs and, of course, bacon, bacon, bacon. YUM!)
6. After I wrote yesterday's entry regarding the primary, I actually felt a lot better.
8. What could be better than #7?

Long time, no see!

I know, I know: I'm lazy right? No, I've been very busy "changing the way I think so I can change the way I feel." And it is exhausting me!

Catching up: the last time I posted was right before my oldest's 14th birthday (April 10th) and so this weekend we had six boys over for a movie, cake and pizza, and then 3 of them spent the night. The boys saw Superhero Movie. Nate took them as I really didn't want to see that movie and I get very anxious around other people's kids. Then they came back for pizza, chocolate cake and rollicking good fun. I had a glass of wine while they rollicked outside. Along with an "I'm-about-to-have-a-panic-attack" Klonopin. After a while Nate and I retired to the bedroom so the kids could take over the living room. They played piano, Wii, and sprinkled snack crumbs all over the floor as if for some bizarre teenaged boy ritual commemorating the Gods of Snacks. Nate made them blueberry pancakes and bacon for breakfast. I slept in as I was unable to fall asleep until well after the last waking sounds emanated from the horde. I told you: I get nervous with other people's kids!

Sunday we had a soccer game after the boys all went home, then my niece's 2nd birthday party right after that. (She was born on Tax Day, and her arrival was, indeed, taxing on my poor SIL.)

This is Syd Vicious on Easter morn:

AAAAaaaaaaawwwwwwww!

After the festivities at my brother's house--45 minutes away--we came home. I was exhausted from the long week and weekend and the stress of it all so I put on my sweats and settled in on the couch.

And then my cell phone rang.

As an Obama volunteer I was invited to see him speak at the Steelworker's Union Hall in Steelton for Bob Casey, Jr.'s birthday party.

So I threw my clothes back on and went. The speech was great and has made the rounds in the press and blogosphere. This is most of the speech:

I got a few *okay* pictures afterwards, but did not get to shake the man's hand, get an autograph or speak to him. This are my two favorite pictures from that night (both taken blindly over a group of people):

This one:



And this one:

But I did get to shake Bob Casey, Jr.'s, hand. It wasn't cold, slimy or scaly like I thought it might be. I said to him, "I've never been a fan of yours..." He laughed here, so at least he has a sense of humor, but I wasn't actually joking. "...but I really appreciate what your endorsement will do for Obama in Pennsylvania. Thank you." Photographic evidence of meeting here:

It felt gooooooood to "speak truth to power!" ;-)

The past three days I've still been in PHP. It's all review for me, but the reminders are helping me to remember to do the things I was supposed to have been doing for the past 15-20 years. The things I knew I was supposed to have been doing, but haven't been. I am a little skeptical of CBT. To put it mildly. But I will go through the motions a suggested. I hope to be done tomorrow or Friday at which time I will again post more regularly.

Or maybe after the election... Wish PA luck please!! (I view it as a good sign that Primary Day and Earth Day coincide. And also that my BFF will be travelling to Hburg to visit me, drink in bars--I mean attend Primary Results Watching Parties in bars, and then staying up until the results are in. Approximately.)

Am I an idiot?

I love R.E.M. I really, really do. I've seen them twice; we own almost all of their albums. Given a choice of music to listen to they are near the to of the list. But god-DAMN if I have no idea what 99% of their songs are about. Now there are a lot of bands who have songs I don't get, but none on such a grand scale as a band I've been listening to for 20 years. Anywho, I was just watching Subterranean and saw their new video and was like, "This is good; what is it about?" And felt a bit like an idjit.
In other music news--as Tabitha used to say--there was also a video by Andrew Bird which I quite liked; but then realized I recognized from a commercial. Turns out he is quite the adman. So far I've found the series of Illinois commercials and the Marriott Residence Inn commercials. Know any others? Shoot 'em my way.
Speaking of shooting... Poor Nancy Reagan. HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, can't help but be a little jubilant. Moses is dead and NancyReagan is heartbroken? It's like a twofer. My BFF Vicki let me know the news this morning: "Go ahead, Kayly. Pry it from his cold, dead hands. I know you want to!!! :)" Ah, you know me all too well, Vicki, love.
Vicki, you'll be relieved to know the girls are safe but disappointed to know the prick is still on the loose. Why are my friend and I so fascinated by FLDS?? May I suggest Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer? If you don't get it then, I cannot help you.
Well, I'm off to bed for my early morning gyno visit. Wish me...uh, luck?

Going Out with Friends Long Not Seen

Tonight will be the first night I will see a few old friends since the ECT. I'm nervous. It's like a coming out party or something, and I feel worried that I will not fulfill expectations. Can I show them I'm "happy enough?" Will I piss anyone off with my still occasionally poor memory? Will I get drunk and embarrass myself? (We're going to a brewpub, and lately beer--and just beer, not liquor or wine--gets me pretty high after one or two.) Maybe I'll stick to their home brewed root beer and water.

Some of them I've seen once or twice in the past year because of the "holing up" which took place as the depression deepened. I feel as if I will be on display or something tonight. None of these people know anyone else who has had ECT most likely. I'm the specimen for their collection. These friends are all about the warmest most non-judgemental people you can imagine, but I still worry.

I still regret not seeing some good friends who moved back to Wisconsin while I was "all about Kayly." I feel deep sadness about losing such good and decent friends. I know we can still exchange emails, cards, etc., but it's not the same as New Year's Eve parties, drop-bys, and other various invitations.

My nervousness is extending to what clothes and shoes to wear and how to do my hair and whether or not to put makeup on. These are not concerns I usually have when I see my friends. I've even come up with conversation topics, in case conversation is awkard and lags. Here is the list so far:

• Obama
• Obama
• the PA primary
• Obama

Yeah, I'm a little one-track-minded lately. Nervous about 4/22, too.

Dumb Stupid Dumb Dumb Stupid

Well, I went to see the Pogues the other night, and since my friend bought me the ticket for a birthday gift and because it is pretty much her favorite band, I dragged her up front, and we had a great time. I even got her a set-list afterwards for her "belated birthday gift". But the very front at a Pogues show is pretty much a mosh pit. I am a 36 year old woman with physical health issues which cause me to have a lot of pain; what the hell was I thinking??? Two hours of being shoved, tossed and myself throwing elbows and body slams and "pogo-ing" has done me in. The pain in my legs is horrific. Last night the pain in my legs caused my toes to go numb. Today I am taking it easy after having to run errands all day yesterday, so today is a Vicodin day. It is only mildly helping, that is how bad the pain is. Yesterday my ribs hurt quite a bit, too, but that is a lot better today.

List of what hurts:

1. Everything (seriously--even the palms of my hands!!)

On the plus side I had an amazing time, the show was great and Shane even seemed much healthier than in years past. Although he is still very much an alcoholic. Poor Shane. (By the way, I just noticed Shane's a Capricorn just like me. It's good to know I'm not the only Capricorn in the world who doesn't have her shit together. On the other hand, I'm not a famous rock star either, so he still has that on me... Oh well...)

And a I told Tahnee-the great friend who took me:

I had an amazing time, and you have no idea how much it meant to me to feel like a real live human being having fun once again. I'm eternally grateful to you for the introduction into "fun" and "society" once again.

Hugs and love to Tahnee if she reads this. It was totally worth the down time of recovery--I'm guessing it'll be a week or so.

Quickly Quickly

My mother requested a "Holden's beautiful eyes" picture. Hopefully you can see them okay in this one, but this is the largest I can post the picture:


And now I must hop into the shower to ready myself for a Pogues concert in Baltimore with a bunch of "youngsters." (They're in their 20s, lol!)

So things progress as such:

I ended up doing five ECT treatments. Two inpatient and three out. My psychiatrist--Dr. Tan--was a great man. Funny, warm, respectful. Everything you could want from the dude about to put you into a minute-long seizure. He actually seemed to like me and let me go home on the Friday after I checked in, rather than the next Monday as originally planned. Which was just what I had hoped for, as nothing freaks me out more than being locked in somewhere, especially with a bunch of nut jobs!

So here is how the treatment goes:

1. You don't eat or drink after midnight the night before.
2. You pee when you wake up.
3. You have an i.v. put in--easy for some, tough for those with no veins, like me.
4. You put on a hospital gown and booties and no undies. Yes, you may piss yourself.
5. They wheel you into the o.r.
6. The put the oxygen monitor on your finger, the b.p. cuff on your arm and another b.p. cuff on your ankle. (This cuff will be tightened during the whole procedure to prevent the paralyzing anesthetic from reaching your toes so they will twitch to prove to the docs that you are, indeed, convulsing.)
7. The put electrical leads (EEG?? I think...) on various parts of your body to make sure your heart works well during the whole thing.
8. They put the "zapper" electrical leads on your head. I vaguely recall that these went on your forehead and behind your ear. On this I could be mistaken; my memory is hazy on some things... I do know I ended up going with bilateral ECT rather than unilateral after a thorough discussion with Dr. Tan whose opinion I thoroughly respected and trusted. We talked about "titrated" doses, which I said was the only way I would do bilateral, and he understood.
9. They put the oxygen/sleeping gas mask over your face and inject the paralyzing anesthetic into your i.v. The gas smelled annoying to me and the injection burned me somewhat. I think I fell asleep all five times going, "Oh, it burns, it burns.... it.... buuuuurrrrrr...... uuuuuhhhhhhhh......."
10. Presumably I was then paralyzed and "zapped." The convulsion lasts somewhere around a half a minute or so. I think it's 15-60 seconds.
11. I wake up in the recovery room with very sweet nurses monitoring my vitals. For some reason I displayed a fever after every treatment, which is not a normal aftereffect. My guess is that it has something to do with my inflammatory illness.
12. They let me get dressed and go home.
13. I was not allowed to drive on treatment days.

So did it work?

Well, I feel what I can only keep calling "normal." I am still having some depression and some anxiety. But I feel like these are acceptable and manageable levels of these problems and somewhat situational.

"Normal" for me: The other day I awoke before 9 a.m. (rather than 3 p.m.), took a shower, exfoliated, moisturized, did a full face cleaning routine, did my hair, got dressed in "real" clothes (not sweats or PJ's), put on jewelry (!!!) and lipstick (!!!!) and went out to do about a half a dozen errands. The whole time I kept thinking, "This is weird. This is really weird." But I later realized that, no, it was actually really really normal. Which, for me, was weird.

I have been have some cognitive and memory problems, but they are fading steadily, although they still bother me immensely. More, I am quite sure, than they might bother the average person. If you know me, then you know that my high intelligence and scarily impeccable memory are very important traits of which I am proud and which I depend upon.

The cognitive problems are things like not being able to think of a word or phrase, not being able to think of what the next thing I should do would be while following my daily routine--which I guess are actually memory problems as well. My other memory problems are more straightforward: I don't remember some stuff that happened in the weeks and months leading up to ECT and in the period afterwards. When--if--it comes back to me I become very frustrated in the realization that I forgot it to begin with.

I think I'll end here for now. More will follow as I know many of my friends and family want to know more about the whole shebang.

"About suffering they were never wrong, The Old Masters: how well they understood Its human position; how well it takes place While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;"