Wednesday, April 09, 2008

My word in edgewise. Hell, my word full-frontal!!

I cannot stand listening to people whine about how horrible their life is when they are clearly unwilling to change it at at all. I am sick of listening to people describing a breakup (not even of a marriage) of ten years ago as what is causing them to be "depressed" today. I am totally over the concept of "I can't find a mate" as some sort of synonym for "depressed." You wanna know depressed? I'll show you depressed, then I'll turn it sideways and shove it up your lazy, whiny ass. I am exhausted with trying to give my opinion or insight (as we are supposed to) only to be cut off by yet another manic bipolar person. I am exhausted, period, from listening to the manics in the crowd.
In other news, I like my counsellor and psychiatrists quite well, thank you. I even heard a phrase I never remembered hearing from a counsellor of mine before which had an impact on me. I need to validate all of the "invalidated emotions" from my childhood and young adulthood. Now, it is such an elementary phrase and concept, but it was honestly not familiar to me. Maybe it is one of the things I "lost in the fire." (Hmmmm... This is my terminology for the memories I lost in ECT, but it just struck me that I have never used it in this forum before.)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was described to me YET AGAIN in one "educational seminar" today. I get it! I get it! But the last step has had me stuck for about fifteen years now. HELP ME WITH THAT!!! AAAAARGH!
I forgot to wash my travel mug so I had to throw out my paper SBUX cup which made me feel guilty. Yes, I have gotten to the point where I feel guilty over one paper coffee cup and sleeve. I didn't have time to pack my lunch for some reason (which was a nice rounded healthy meal) so I ate at KFC and felt guilty about the factory farmed chickens and the paper I was wasting and the crap I was putting into my body and the underpaid workers and...and... Yes, somebody please stop me. This is not right. I think I am getting, goddess forgive me for even thinking it, too eco-concious. But then Nate mailed me this article, and I realized, "Maybe somebody should "worry about the birds." Maybe 'too' isn't so bad when some people are 'not enough.'" I just wish I wasn't so quick to judge myself for little "misses" when I have so many "hits." (Oh, but if I could figure out that last step of cognitive behavioral therapy, I'd be able to forgive and forget the "misses," right?)
I got abso-fucking-lutely NO errands done today, although I still have to take my youngest to his soccer practice at 6:30. So...library and Humane Society tomorrow maybe?


Anonymous said...

Around here we don't have the rolling acres that lead to farmers being paid not to cultivate acres, but I'm tellin' you...when I was a kid (low these many years ago, LOL)
there were pheasants all over the place...heck we had them for dinner many Sundays. As areas became built up they disappeared. I hadn't even seen one for years. When Corin had that batch of extra eggs given to him the other year and then raised them for a few years and released alot into the was the first I had seen a pheasant for a loooong time.
Other thing that we are finally starting to see more of again...milk weed. Again, when I was a kid it was all over the place, then it sorta disappeared and the monarch butterfly's numbers fell with it. You didn't see much of either, now both are making a comeback in my area.
I admit over the years my "eco-consiousness" has waxed and waned. It must be back, lately, LOL. When I bought an outfit at Spiegel yesterday I was absolutely thrilled that the bag they use is a really heavy, messenger type handled bag. One I can take grocery shopping with me over and over again! Yay!

Historical Wit said...

Wow, i love to hear about stuff like this from other parts of the country. Pheasants have been pretty steady in population on the eastern shore of MD here, it was turkeys that went away and came back. Used to never see turkeys running around here. See flocks at least once a week out in the woods now.

Also, we got farmers around here that make more money not growing crops takeing subs from government. Crazy. I can't blame them, there has been drought for the past coupe of years that is killin corn. bean make out ok. but the corn is pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Now, turkeys are really, really plentiful around here. I spent part of the day watching a big Tom struttin' around trying to impress his girls, LOL

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