I should be packing.

It’s a white out outside. It was warm yesterday and now…a blizzard. The bleak grayness of the whole thing is kind of funny. Gray, bad, cold weather always makes me much more depressed than normal even when normal is uber-depressed. So I’ll be good and depressed tomorrow when I enter the hospital. No mistaking that.

I’m supposed to be packing. But I cannot pack until I finish the laundry. I cannot do the laundry until I take my shower. I cannot take my shower until I can get my ass off of the couch.

Nate and I—mostly I—are watching all of the recorded stuff on the DVR to free up space for the things that will record while I’m gone. I’m drinking coffee, no food yet…Nate is making one of my favorites for dinner—a send-off I guess. Real mashed potatoes and sauerkraut. Hot dogs or sausage for him and the boys, but I just eat the potatoes and sauerkraut. Maybe half of a sausage or one hot dog, but for me it’s all about the potatoes and sauerkraut.

I usually only eat dinner, but at the hospital they make you come to the “dining room” for all three meals. Of course I’ll probably miss breakfast and maybe lunch on ECT days, because I’ll probably be sleeping off the anesthesia. I have a feeling it will take me longer than a normal person to shake the anesthesia hangover because of my illness and the fact that I sleep so much to begin with—not just because of the depression, I don’t think. I think my physical pain makes me more tired in addition to the depression.

My little things are mostly bagged up, but not my clothes or toiletries. I think I’ll take my own pillow, in addition to my travel pillow which is my security pillow I sleep with every night. And maybe my “couch blanket” which I use when I’m holed up on the couch all day. It will make me feel homier, I suppose. Not looking forward to the hospital, not one stinking bit. I hope they don’t make me go the stupid groups they have all day. I‘m not comfortable with the idea of “sharing” with strangers and the crap they do and talk about in those groups is ridiculous, anyway. Like the patients are mentally challenged toddlers or something. It’s insulting.

Whoops! Stopped snowing and now it's sunny. Weird apocalyptic weather.